THE EMERGENT ROLE OF WOMEN LEADING FOR A BETTER WORLD

May 16-17, 1998

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

INTRODUCTION                *

A SUMMARY OF THE OPENING REMARKS              *

TOPIC #1:            The Feminine Side of the "Technology" Revolution    *

TOPIC #2:            Storytelling—Success Stories        *

TOPIC #3:            USE OF STORY & DRAMA FOR SOCIAL CHANGE                *

TOPIC #4:            Tapping into the power of circles     *

TOPIC #5:            ABUNDANCE & WHOLEHEARTEDNESS   *

TOPIC #6:            The Power of Akido to Resolve Conflict.        *

TOPIC #7:            Build Equality into our Education System around the "Role of Women in History"             *

TOPIC #8:            Reconciliation      *

TOPIC #9:            MONASTICISM/ WILDERNESS    *

TOPIC #10:          Organizing across distances and differences - "national/local"              *

TOPIC #11:          Beyond Making Art: artists contributing to society in other ways           *

TOPIC #12:          Spirit At Work: Integrating Business and Spirit        *

TOPIC #13:          Humor in the Workplace   *

TOPIC #14:          How to bridge between cultures. Why are all women white?      *

TOPIC #15:          Women as Peacemakers/Reconciliation/Making Sense of What’s         *

TOPIC #16:          Prevention/Intervention of violence and school failure by youth                *

TOPIC #17:          How can we guide and support our young daughters to develop a pleasure-filled, healthy, and safe sexuality?     *

TOPIC #18:          Women in Prison                *

TOPIC #19:          Surrendering to the call of the cave; & Self emerging through grief and loss      *

TOPIC #20:          Individuation and Connection            *

TOPIC #21:          Seniors doing things with the added support of the young.         *

TOPIC #22:          Requesting from Pleasure—Creating Powerfully with Men     *

TOPIC #23:          Spirituality in Business    *

TOPIC #24:          Listening to the Deep Feminine - Inviting Her presence through dialogue             *

TOPIC #25:          Emerging Tools and Processes for Creating & Building Sustainable Environments: Recreating Democracy and Community Building        *

TOPIC #26:          Clay Studio           *

TOPIC #27:          Healing the Abuse of Power              *

TOPIC #28:          Mentoring             *

TOPIC #29:          Money & Women’s Beliefs & Attitudes About It         *

TOPIC #30:          Media and Women: Feminism in Media          *

TOPIC #31:          I Shared this Vision.......     *

TOPIC #32:          Reflecting on what we are learning about how we/I lead.             *

TOPIC #33:          Living With and Through Intention                *

TOPIC #34:          Recognizing and Dealing With Shoulds        *

TOPIC #35:          Midwifing the feminine      *

TOPIC #36:          The Power of the Intuitive or Putting the Rational in its Place  *

TOPIC #37:          How Pregnancy, Menopause & Uniquely Female Physical events affect our working lives and leadership styles.                *

TOPIC #38:          Celebrating our Stories     *

TOPIC #39:          Authentic Leadership; Owning Your Power  *

TOPIC #40:          Exploring the Relationships Among Creativity, Being Highly Capable/Gifted, and Depression                *

TOPIC #41:          Open Space for Transformation       *

SONGS FROM WOMEN'S OPEN SPACE   *

THE SEVEN OF PENTACLES          *

MESSENGER       *

A RETURN TO LOVE        *

 

INTRODUCTION

On May 16 and 17, 1998, 120 women gathered to explore the Emerging Role of Women as Leaders for a Better World.

May 25, 1998

Dear Dancers:

Well, I guess we SAW how we lead! What a wonderful leaderfull gathering! From 8:00AM on Saturday when Estelle and Lucinda walked in from California and immediately helped get things organized (Estelle asked "Is there any coffee yet?" Jeretta Scott and I pointed at the pots and the bags of Starbucks waiting to be brewed. Estelle said "Okay, then, I'll make the coffee for us all.") to Cleo and Lucinda checking every classroom to make certain we'd left Pathfinder School just as we found it-- leadership moved fluidly from one person to another!


Here's what you recorded in the small groups that formed. You'll see that Fidelma McGinn, Rachel Bolton and Peg Holman have put together a mailing list so we can continue networking. It's in the back of The Book.


We have a Home Page at Basecamp on the Seattle Community Network at www.scn.org/ip/basecamp. So we hope you'll continue the relationships we started May 16th and 17th!


We received donations from the following merchants: Starbucks, Kuan Yin Tea House, Lisa's Catering contributed whatever the food cost over the $10.00 maximum she guaranteed us, plus they lent us some pots and pans. Pathfinder School contributed their wonderful "home" for us to learn in.


We decided to contribute any extra money (after the costs) to Pathfinder School, the Seattle Women's Business Exchange (for the Central American women's Exchange program), and the Open Space Institute.

Thank you all for an inspiring two days!!

Love,

Anne Stadler, for all the Convenors

 

 

A SUMMARY OF THE OPENING REMARKS

The Story of this Event

Last November, Anne Stadler opened the space for a group like this in Boston. When she returned, she kept telling friends about this amazing experience. Many of them expressed a desire to participate in such a conversation. At some point, Anne thought, "Why not?" She contacted 30-40 of her friends to say, join me. So, about 35 women reached out to their friends who also passed the word on… and here we are.

So, please notice, we have already done something quite remarkable:

There is no sponsoring organization for this event.

There are no famous speakers.

Just through the invitation of friends, we have brought together 120 people.

Why?

There seems to be something happening.

Here are some examples:

Women Opening New Businesses

"Women are opening up new businesses at twice the rate of men. And they're employing more people than the Fortune 500 combined. They've been able to break out of the corporation faster because they were so disheartened by it. Now husbands are following wives home and we're seeing an incredible, unbelievable upsurgence of new small businesses."

Faith Popcorn, from a recent AQP article

 

"Bosnia's Women Knit Their Nation Back Together"

Beba Hadzic, manager of a social service agency knew what she needed to encourage women to come for help: wool. The agency she founded provides food, clothing and psychological and job counseling to Serbian refugees. "The women could make jumpers and sit and knit ant talk." In doing so, they have become the voices of reconciliation.

From a recent Seattle Times article

Excerpt from The Chalice and The Blade

Riane Eisler…proposes … two basic models of society. The first, … the dominator model, is what is popularly termed either patriarchy or matriarchy -- the ranking of one half of humanity over the other. The second, in which social relations are primarily based on the principle of linking rather than ranking, may best be described as the partnership model.

These models have extraordinary implications for our views of power. In the dominator model, which prevails today, power is symbolized by the Blade -- the power to dominate or take life. In contrast, in the partnership model power as symbolized by the Chalice is about nurturing and the capacity to give life.

Human evolution is now at a crossroad. [Our] central human task is how to organize society to promote the survival of our species and the development of our unique potentials. …we have seen that [our current model] cannot meet this requirement because of its in-built emphasis on technologies of destruction, its dependence on violence for social control, and the tensions chronically engendered by the dominator-dominated human relations model upon which it is based. We have also seen that a…partnership society, symbolized by the life-sustaining and enhancing Chalice, offers us a viable alternative.

The question is how do we get from here to there?

Riane Eisler

 

I believe that is what this weekend is about…. I also believe stories are a very vital way to find the answers to that question. I hope over this weekend that you'll be sharing your stories with each other.

My Story

I am one of the women Faith Popcorn was talking about. I left corporate life in mid-December because I could no longer tolerate being in an environment that didn't touch my heart. When I read Eisler, I realized that the focus of my work has become bringing what are thought of as "feminine principles" back into use. Things like learning to think together so that we really can work collaboratively. Things like paying attention to not just what the organization cares about but also what people care about. And most recently, realizing the power and legitimacy of using intuition to make decisions.

I want to speak to this idea of trusting intuition for a moment because it has such profound implications for us. What I am discovering is that much of our sense of being overwhelmed by too much to do is related to our discounting of intuition. In truth, when we pay attention to what our hearts tell us, it helps us to focus on what is most important.

This leads me to understand what I have to contribute to creating a partnership society.

Here is a second, and very different story: I had a dream earlier this week that generations of women were passing through me. And I heard and felt their fear and their tears as they were torn from what they most loved through war and violence. And I remember thinking to myself, "How can I possibly be big enough to pass them all through me?" When I woke up, I remembered I'd be here this weekend. That I didn't have to do it alone. That in this extraordinary time in which we live, we are positioned to begin the healing for our mothers and their mothers for generations back.

Hopes for the weekend

That as individuals, we each come away with new and renewed connections, some new insights or ways of seeing our world and feeling invigorated.

On a larger scale, my hope is that we bring this "something that's happening" to our conscious awareness. That we can name it. And by naming it, we increase its power. That's important because as each of us goes back to our individual work, that we now know that we're not alone, that we are part of a very powerful trend.

And by knowing we are part of something larger, we take on responsibility for the work of creating a society characterized by life giving and nurturing, and by power that comes through love and responsibility. In short the work of creating a partnership society.

Thank you.

Peggy Holman
May 16, 1998

 

 

TOPIC #1:  The Feminine Side of the "Technology" Revolution

CONVENOR: Sarah J. Chappelle

PARTICIPANTS: Kim, Pat, Marilyn Chase, Lorraine Pozzi, Rachel, Sarah Chappelle, oops; didn’t catch all the names. About 10 women total

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We had an engaging conversation about how women have a huge impactful potential in shaping and directing the role of technology in our lives. We started out by saying that, in reality, the "technology" revolution that’s happening around us is actually a misnomer. What’s happening is really more of a RELATIONSHIP revolution. The reasoning behind this theory is that only when technology is applied within the context of a relationship; work, home, friends, and family; can that technology really revolutionize the way we live. Outside of the context of relationship, and in and of itself, technology becomes intimidating, frustrating, and in general, a waste of time.

Although women have traditionally discouraged from pursuing so-called "technical" paths in study or work, this relationship revolution using technology is a natural fit for women to make a difference. If you look at the relationships we’re enhancing and expanding via technology, it’s obvious to see why women, who are naturally communicative and nurturing and collaborative, can contribute so much to the further and future design of the technology to meet relationship’s needs.

Lorraine Pozzi suggested turning the Basecamp Seattle website (http://www.scn.org/ip/basecamp.html) into a "free for all" for women to collaborate and share ideas on technology rather than use it for a "specific" task.. Use websites to communicate and collaborate.

Technology has the potential to connect, communicate, etc, feminine qualities. But emphasis on rapid response, onslaught of 100s of e-mails, and the speed of technology, creates expectations of speed and competition in reply-time, that really are more male attributes that create discomfort and turns some people off. We had an idea to encourage the incorporation of a "reflect before replying" button on e-mail applications… or "reply in a week after I’ve considered your message. . "

The whole process of software development, generally beginning at the highly technical level is shifting to an initial concentration on the human reception and experience the use will have with the software. The whole concept is to adapt the technology to the humans, to something people would actually espouse and enjoy using.

It is possible to have positive, productive on-line relationship, even at Microsoft (a participant works there and reports that.).

Some have a feeling of loss, though, when using technology if people are near, preferring rather to communicate in person, or at least via the telephone.

Some positive examples of women using the technology instead of being used by it are: enhancing family relationship if family members are spread out, to nurture a love relationship with a significant other via long distances. E-mail allows us to touch each other in ways that otherwise would not even be possible with time and distance limitations. Even so, it IS important to get together physically from time to time.

Rule: Pause/Reflect/Contemplate (PRC) Before responding in dialogue.

There have been studies in how the language of e-mail is changing, becoming more informal, which really impacts and changes the business environment.

A useful distinction in effectively using e-mail is to create ground rules, like PRC, as a kind of communication protocol.

Also, in times of technical upset and business, reach out for help to avoid being sucked into the technology time warp and forget about the relationships we’re here for.

A great resource for technical support, The Computer Goddess, a great company that provides technical support to entrepreneurs and home-office workers.

Other Resources:

Women Leaders Online - contains legislative alerts about very alarming issues.

American Women’s Work website - more political in nature.

Bottom Line

Women must be a stand for using technology to enhance relationships, not having the technology use them. Only then can we be a driving an directing force to change the technology which we then use to revolutionize our relationships.

 

TOPIC #2:  Storytelling—Success Stories

CONVENOR: Kim Wells

PARTICIPANTS: Several great women

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We first started out thinking that we should define what success mean.

Here is our (and this is certainly not an exhaustive list) definition of success:

Knowing your voice gets heard

Knowing you can work on your own terms

Knowing that you are a role model for someone else

Knowing you are a catalyst

Knowing you are doing something you love to do—something you would even volunteer to do (but of course if you can get paid, why not)

Knowing what you are good at and what you should delegate to other people

Having self knowledge

Having fun

Having an approach to work like "Gumby." You can flex when you need to when times demand it

Having the ability to assess what is going on in the moment—when you may need to acknowledge that your previous plan will not work because the criteria or conditions have changed

Having the ability to help others in the organization take ownership

Making meaning for a group—being a leader in this sense—containing the vision for the group

 

One thing that struck us as a group is that our definition of success does not seem to mirror what may be called the more traditional definition of success—getting more pay and moving up the corporate ladder. Our definition of success as a group seemed to focus more on being rewarded internally vs. Externally.

We questioned as a group whether or not women truly have a more difficult time being "successful" in organizations in the traditional sense. (We had a lot of examples of success stories that matched our group definition of success and helped us create the definition of success we came up with.) This question lead to a discussion of money. We began to talk about the fact that it seems harder for women to ask for more money or to raise our rates as consultants. (This is our group’s assumption—we don’t have hard data on this, just observations.) One group member raised the question—Do we as women feel guilty sometimes about asking for more money because we continually remind ourselves that there are folks who are less fortunate?

We did also make the observation that women seem to follow their passion more—if we do not feel empowered by work we want to continually question about what we should do. Is this observation accurate? Will men stay in a job or vocation that is not their passion for longer periods of time than women? If so, why?

 

 

TOPIC #3:  USE OF STORY & DRAMA FOR SOCIAL CHANGE

CONVENOR:            Cynthia Gayle

PARTICIPANTS:      Margaret O’Donnell, Linda Jaech, Susan Adams Eunn,

Kimberly Richardson, Leyla Welkin, Frances McCue, Jane McClure, Suzanne Tedesko, & Lucinda ?.

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY  Women came with board, varied, and talented experiences: doing role playing in business for teaching/consulting, an actress starting theater company, a film maker interested in using media for educating and addressing cultural morays, a lawyer-who also records oral story-who also want to act for fun, two people who use akido in different contexts to access people’s stories, two people involved with the creation of a writer’s center that encourages the telling of story, a psychodramatist interested in using sociodrama, a few are consultants, a few are therapists.

Topics talked about were more sharing than resolving, and a few "networkings" were made. Themes that emerged: Resistance in general population, especially in work settings, for people to speak up, let alone access creativity—it gets zapped out of them. Though, all the more need for this work. Story telling (ours or other’s) has more personal engagement, can be medium for healing, accesses the nonlinear, the imagination, creates a win-win atmosphere, and nothing connects people more than a good story. Questions were briefly opened but not answered about how to best tell or access people’s stories. Bringing story into action, drama or role playing makes it come from within the body and makes an holistic process—which accesses being in the present moment, fully there, and out of one’s head—which fosters creativity and holistic learning. Questions arose about the ethics involved in recording people’s stories—do we take away, are we using, stealing energy or disempowering, and are we misrepresenting every time we edit? If we fictionalize people’s stories, will that take care of the ethical and spiritual questions of what we may be taking? And of course, last but not least, we need to hear more of women’s stories.

 

TOPIC #4:  Tapping into the power of circles

CONVENOR: Stephanie

PARTICIPANTS: Lorie, Christiana, Marcy, Illania, Stephanie

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Some of what draws us to circles is we find its a place:

Our questions included:

How to convene circles?

resources mentioned: books Sacred Circles, Calling a Circle, also recent grass roots publication called "The Emergence of Wise Woman: A Learning Chronicle" ordering info available on Sunday, (see Stephanie Ryan 206-216-0641, she will have a copy)

Do women dialogue differently, when it is only women in the circle? If so, how?

            Listening to what is moving in the room, less need to have it be my idea, attention is on relationship, attention can be on ways we meet, come together engaging all aspects of our selves, physical movement, dialogue, story, touch, …..woman enter receptive

What is the individuals’ relationship to the collective?

Reference Star Trek series, the Borg and the exploration of a woman’s perspective

Jungian references to the collective archtypal realm

 

 

TOPIC #5:  ABUNDANCE & WHOLEHEARTEDNESS

[finding balance in our lives]

CONVENORS:          Carol Yamada & Mari Tester

PARTICIPANTS: Adams-Nichols, Linda; Alexander, Kathryn; Anderson, Suzanne; Angello, Mickey; Aspin, Toni; Bayes, Lorraine; Bradford, Ann; Chan, Gei; Collins, Leslie; Cooper, Gaywynn; Cowdery, Joan; Curtis, Barbara; Dorchester, Margaret; Foon, Candy; Graham, Malory; Hatch, Kia; Huber, Joy; Jones, Estell; Jonstad, Kristin; Lester, Teri; Levin, Amy; Luckett, Sylvia; Mirr-O’Brien, Joyce; Paul, Marschel; Paulson, Betty; Rabinowitz, Andrea; Raul, Patricia; Reiss, Norma; Ruppelt, Tina; Sarantos, Stephanie; Strong, jeanne; Tester, Mari; Turia, Karen; Ward, Micheline; Widdison, Andrea; Yamada, Carol; Zeigler, Judy

 

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

At introductions, the following kinds of concerns/issues were expressed:

 

We explored our definition of "WHOLEHEARTEDNESS".

o        open-hearted

o        centered

o        open to joy

o        love overflowing

o        transforming

o        exquisite self-care, "self-full", not selfish

Burnout was described as feeling like one is lost, as having a closed heart. Finding our inner voice is the key to wholeheartedness – "how clear am I to the energy within".

We shouldn’t feel guilty about deciding to change our goals. To stop living our lives with our old scripts, we need to identify what those scripts say in order to rewrite them. How much of our culture drives our scripts? [Are mothers given a "guilt manual" at the hospital when they have their babies?]

What has gotten us to this point where we are able to have this discussion? Is it the life experiences we’ve had? How do things build from what’s happened to us in our lives? As women we’re not groomed to know what we want, or how we feel. What tools might we teach our children to use to do this rather than driving their lives on the approval of others. What can we do for our daughters & sons? We can tell them the truth, about our lives, our thoughts, our actions. As women, we mustn’t be afraid to step in and show our sons another way to deal with situations. If we are aware that something is not right, we must be brave enough to take action. Remember, children are like Christmas presents. Each year as we look at them we see new gifts.. honoring that is so important.

Women have a unique way we can lead and it’s centered around being able to tell the truth. It works with our children as well as in the business setting. Being able to speak authentically honors us and others and gives courage and a voice to others (yes, even men!). We have a powerful wisdom that’s flowing through us. Let’s capitalize on it and not negate the power of our nurturing.

On the topic of whether we are "hard-wired" to behave in certain ways, it was suggested that there are some biological realities – that reality is male in our culture. Do we operate on the premise that it is a male God?

Do we need to leaders in our home, community, workplace, nation? Or, is that a male model? One answer is YES, but each of doesn’t have to do it all. If there is one arena that calls to our passion and leadership, take it on. Let a different woman take over another arena about which she feels passionate. Women’s leadership is cooperative & collegial. How can we turn leadership into a collective process vs. An individual process?

We have to lead and redefine leadership. Our job as women in a collective is to redefine leadership, it is not men vs. women .

~~ [not quite] the end ~~

 

TOPIC #6:  The Power of Akido to Resolve Conflict.

CONVENOR: Malory Graham

PARTICIPANTS: Rosemarie Fitzsimons; Catriona O’Curry; Fidelma McGinn; Bette Stephens; Clancy McDonald; Leyta Walkin; Kimberely Richardson; Karen du Flour des Champs; Jane McClure; Andrea Rabinowitz (and others who joined in later..)

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Akido is a relatively ‘young’ marital art. It was conceived in Japan in the ‘40s after World War II. Given that the traditional Samurai and conquest model had failed in that conflict, the idea occurred that perhaps there was a better way of dealing with conflict, in a more balanced way. Akido embodies the more feminine warrior spirit and the philosophy of taking conflict into peaceful reconciliation. The question was asked as to how people react to conflict..? Some responses were;

Some expressed intimidation of entering a martial arts school. To counter-act this intimidation, Malory led a group exercise in some simple Akido techniques that offer effective approaches to getting out of a conflicting situation. The idea of reversing the balance of power and taking the energy of the aggressor and harnessing that to your advantage was well displayed. Some great and useful exercises! Especially good to help digest lunch and lead us into the afternoon sessions.

Observations after the exercises:

There were several requests for information regarding class availability outside of the Seattle area, like South Seattle and Issaquah. Anyone know of any..?

 

TOPIC #7:  Build Equality into our Education System around the "Role of Women in History"              

CONVENOR: Kerri Stoehr

PARTICIPANTS:

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We need to find a way to build equality into our education systems around the role of Women in History. Recently I have read a couple of books ("We Are Our Mother’s Daughter’s by Cokie Roberts, and "Pioneer Women" ? - I’ll have to get the author) that speak to the role women have played throughout history (especially U.S. history) . From serving in the armed services (even back to the Revolutionary war and Civil war) to settling the west. There are historical records of many acts of bravery, foresight, vision, and independence by women - way before the "feminist movement" …. Where is all of this in our history books and education?

As I read the books I found myself thinking "I didn’t know that". I came out of the education systems and religious systems, thinking that men had been the important people in history with women mostly in the background, and that only recently have women been emerging as courageous doers, independent thinkers, leaders, etc..

I know I am inspired and awed to read about "feminists" throughout history (during even more difficult times then we have today) that made great strides in the struggle for women’s rights, women’s issues, and in publicizing the value that women bring to society.

I would like to explore/find a way to achieve "equality" in our education system to include the role women have played in shaping our history, so that our daughters will know that they are not alone - that there are those who have gone before who feel the same and who have helped pave the way.

No one joined me in discussing this topic, so I welcome any ideas regarding if there is already a movement in this area - or any ideas for how to bring equality to the education system.

Kerri Stoehr

 

 

TOPIC #8:  Reconciliation

CONVENOR: Cleo Molina

PARTICIPANTS: Cleo Molina, Kathleen Smith, Gail Casper, Kate Williams, Jane Woodward

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Background:

Cleo has been working on a dissertation on the topic of reconciliation i.e.: "Re-establishing relationship" for the past two plus years. This involved sending out about 400 questionnaires as well as many interviews. She is looking for a process which is involved in reconciliation consistently.

Kathleen spoke of her experiences of a growing tendency toward an "us and them" attitude, especially in her work environment—and of her interest in exploring a more collaborative model. She said she finds herself returning to her roots in non-violence. That discipline included assuming a common interest.

Jane is a nurse, does mind-body work (Heller method), works with hospice of Snohomish county and works with adolescents around grief. She noted the polarizing influences in society today. She also expressed a belief that the promotion of the self is somehow related to reconciliation.

Kate spoke about that point at which a relationship "feels unnatural—when you are ill at ease." At this time she tends to focus less on the huge upheavals and more on the small "ill at eases".

The group broke into a discussion of these "ill at eases". And discussion went from there. Some of the various comments:

Feeling is a piece of it only—"truth" is we’re changing. Honesty is the key.

Connections don’t end, they just take different forms.

Relationships don’t end either, sometimes we continue to re-work them—sometimes without reference to the "other". –How do we make it a dynamic system?

In an e-mail "relationship" how do I know if I’m relating to "her" or to the words on the screen?

The beginning of a breakthrough was when we shared what kind of future we envisioned together rather than re-framing the past.

A recent NPR story of a Palestinian and an Israeli mediator who had been involved in secret negotiations way many years ago before any negotiations were made public -- They drove each other crazy—were bitter rivals who kept revisiting and reconstructing the past. Until they agreed to envision a future together, they could not move on. They eventually were successful and also became friends.

Important to build a story—coming out of current time. . . not coming at the relationship directly: It’s about me, and now, and what I know what now.

"Right relationship" also requires justice—but who defines it?

Found that once the "moment came in which we said we know we had hurt each other and we were sorry—I no longer needed "other" forms of justice (i.e. Venting, compensation, to be heard). Was "justice" done?

Sometimes the past needs to be "cleared" so that the future can be built.

Sometimes I choose to suspend my goals or feelings for now in order to listen.

Relationship is organic—not an entity in itself. Our society seems to encourage us to view "relationship" as a box rather than a coming and going of folks –something which is constantly changing.

 

TOPIC #9:  MONASTICISM/ WILDERNESS

CONVENOR: GAIL CASPER

PARTICIPANTS: KATHLEEN SMITH,GAYWYNN COOPER, KIM LARSON

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Monasticism, wilderness and foreign travel all strip away the internalized cultural values and habits we carry and give us a closer glimpse of what our real selves might look like. All involve an element of risk—getting past fear, moving away from the familiar boxes in which we feel safe and limit ourselves. Wilderness experience takes out of our element and lets us feel both our vulnerability and our root power.

We go to wilderness or the monastic experience for different reasons:

the feeling of being home

the feeling of being in a safe place so we can go deeper

pushing back the edges to feel our strength and weakness

gaining perspective

Women who go out alone are going against cultural norms. They are perceived as dangerous, dykes, people who might question other cultural roles and norms. They are no longer domesticated .

When we go out, we are face with the question of what to bring with us and what to leave behind. Do you take food and water on a three day vision quest? Do you take a cell phone on a bike trek? Do you take computers to your monastery in the wilderness? Technology connects us to the world and lessens the risk of the experience. It might make possible a sustainable lifestyle on wilderness land. On the other hand, connections to the more urban culture quickly become internalized so we bring the city with us—inside us-- to the wilderness.

The effect of television on many small town people who live surrounded by or close to wilderness is that they become more urbanized and more cutoff from and fearful of the land.

Another big question for women who go out to wilderness and monastic solitude is the question of self indulgence or narcissism. Is it selfish? What do we pass on to the next generation?

We had all struggled with these questions. General conclusion: living in a different relationship to land, solitude and culture was an important thing to pass on. People need to see alternatives. We also try in a variety of ways to give back to the larger culture. Finally wilderness itself acts as corrective. It both demands and allows that we be just who we are—creatures among the creatures. When you wake up in the night is that a cougar or your stomach growling??

 

 

TOPIC #10:         Organizing across distances and differences - "national/local"

CONVENOR: Anne Focke

PARTICIPANTS: Stephanie, Barbara Swift, Mary, Kate, Arvella, Liz, Kristin, Elise, Norie Sato, Marcy Jackson, Mary Carroll, Frances McCue, Betty Patu

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

What attracted you to this topic?

Anne: Works with arts and artists. Changes in support at federal level (NEA) and project to think about how artists make their way economically got her thinking about mental patterns we use to talk about and organize our work "nationally" - or "across distances and differences." Patterns are not necessarily helpful. Much of our ideas about "national" seem based as if we were up high, in plane or on mountain top, looking down at the whole. We do things like cut the country into regions. In some ways, the idea of "regional" comes from a sort of disembodied "national" place. This is different from starting where you are in a particular place. When regional dividing lines are drawn, people aren’t necessarily thinking about whether the geography lines make sense to the people inside them. She wants to try to think about working with people in other places with a beginning sense that is rooted in a particular place, though not with an isolationist intention. She liked the idea, suggested earlier in the day, of contrasting "ranking" with "linking." Maybe if we start where we are, linkages is a useful term - connected and relational.

Questions: How can we inspire each other through example rather than by setting "models?" In the arts, the "center" tends to be in N.Y. and D.C. . What ways have you found of being based where you are and of developing relationships across distances & differences?

Stephanie: Works for a school here that is modelled after a school in Massachusetts. She thinks about the linkages between her school and others like it elsewhere. She suggests letting associations grow from a purpose that is actually happening. Formalize something that is growing, then draw ideas and inspiration from others.

Barbara: Working with a friend. Change not happening in individuals organizations but "progress" is happening in between. Her work takes a systems approach, which shouldn’t be (but often is) hierarchical. Instead it should be in the connections where things really happen. Comprehensive solutions are not coming from institutions but from community A community can have a vision of what it needs in the future.

Marcy: Works with California Institute of Integral Studies. Makes connections through internet network teaching. Wants to be sure to have enough "in the flesh" connections," to nurture extended family across distances. Public Conversation Project: Interest in how to bring people together around a subject full of conflict, like abortion or racism.

Anne: Interesting to think of family connections as a metaphor for this question.

Kate: Her family lives in different places. How can son & daughter be supported? Thinking about email. Email is changing relationships. What’s important in her work is often in conflict with the legal and financial guidelines (established nationally). Setting up situations across distances to do an internship in Australia. Work at Children’s Center, getting a new director who is moving toward hierarchical medial model. Now people in organization are more isolated. As an individual working with own clients she felt more participatory, and no clash. Now, when working with more people, she is experiencing clashes.

Look for inspiration elsewhere. How can she balance what she and coworkers need vs. What the agency says is important. How can she guide the development of the new department based on what is important. If it is not in line with national rules and regs.

Arvella: Interest in public art. Working on growth management act fornew city. Saw how art in Europe is integrating element in cities. European male exchange students think it is OK for men to be involved in arts. Is this difference a factor in our country’s lack of support for the arts?

Liz Campbell: Lives in S.F. Worked with Chinook/Whidbey Institute. When saw title of this session, thought "I resemble that." Worked in this arena for many years in nonprofit Institute for Humanistic Psychology. Connections grow from shared values. Medium of technology as a tool. Calif. Inst. For Integrative Studies. Work with distance learning. How to create environments that support distance relationships.

Kristin: Thought the title was "linking" across distances and differences. YMCA national staff position. is a person who has 6 regional centers and was involved in forming. Top down system and top down support network. Works with individual centers. Task is to pull up the "hot spots," the inspiring things. Is able to connect incredible stuff to other centers and get money in to those places. Y is about voluntary associations. Staff were secretaries at first – the people who take notes. Her job is to remind where we came from Interest in using the technology more. Youth are interested. Other staff are cautious. Unleashing a movement – 2200 Ys in U.S. communities. Working with the concept of "organizing."

 

 

 

Elise: Looking for ways to make links in social activism. Comes from concept of solidarity. How to make links that don’t take away from local efforts. Involved with Beijing studies. Connected to a collective of people in Chile. Building links is an interest.

Norie: Artist. Interest is on a smaller scale. Works with public art collaboratively with other artists, in one case with two artists based in Portland, in other case, with an artist from Texas and one from Boulder (project is in Miami). How to make the work match the places where the art will be. How will linkages work in a personal way?

Marcy: Interest in different levels. Giving leadership nationally to a disperse group. Using travel & technology. Trying to hold a "virtual container" for an effort that is not space based. Feels like working in ways that lead her to forget how to act in more natural/local way. Time is an issue also.

Mary: Working as an advocate for women in prison. Interest in doing this work on a more national level. Wants to learn from other places & people, and to share. Computer as tool. Present the computer differently to seniors.

Frances: On a fellowship from a national foundation. Strategies to work with other fellows in same program who are spread out around the world.

Kate: Systems issues with end product needing input from various people. Email was used but was a clash with the management structure. Potential of technology to provide access.

Liz: Navigation - how to work - non-ranking, linking way beyond just electronic/technical communication and organizing.

Liz: Self organizing, The Simpler Way, Margaret Wheatley

Mary: What does it require to make connections, to make things feel alive? What is the minimum?

Liz: Learning styles

Kristin: Can’t do technology without the personal piece. Using technology for research and getting what we need. How to get to the more juicy stuff? Do you make sense of it online?

Anne: Interested in thinking through/making sense of things - whether talking or online.

Liz: Begins happening. Aliveness technology.

Barbara: Technology is a tool. Wonderful dinners as important.

Mary: And wonderful poets.

 

 

TOPIC #11:         Beyond Making Art: artists contributing to society in other ways

CONVENOR:            Norie Sato

PARTICIPANTS:      Anne Focke, Catriona O’Curry

                                               

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Discussion was short, but also very informal due to small number of participants.

Questions raised: when artists participate in society beyond their works, is their participation in different ways than for non-artists?

Are there specific areas which draw artists or not?

Visualization skills are different from person to person regardless of field of endeavor, but do artists tend to be able to visualize the big picture better?

How does one find out if someone has the capacity to visualize the big picture?

How does one nurture creativity and visualization skills in children?

No specific recommendations emerged, except that we should be able to incorporate images with our proceedings.

 

 

TOPIC #12:         Spirit At Work: Integrating Business and Spirit

CONVENOR:            Cynthia Clay

DISCUSSION:

Why are each of us here?

How do we influence the acknowledgment of Spirit? Can we create learning opportunities at work for these topics to be explored?

What does it mean to have Spirit in the workplace? What does it look like? Feel like?

 

TOPIC #13:         Humor in the Workplace

CONVENOR: Jeretta L. Scott

PARTICIPANTS: Cindy Clay, Rosemarie, Lucinda, Shelly, Jeretta

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

The group first introduced self, and why present. As the discussion went a common theme of play and child like behavior kept surfacing.

Shelly discussed the issue of not "feeling" welcome in the golfgame and was seeking ways in which to possibly incorporate humor to discuss the feelings of being left out.

Humor opens of creativity

Have stuff available in the workplace that promotes humor.

How do you incorporate humor into the workplace. How does it get introduced?

California Governor office (lucinda) stated that in their workplace it is in the job expectatioins to HAVE FUN.

We then discussed that it is important to have the "buy in" from management/high ups to bring humor into the workplace.

How we use our perceptions in the workplace and humor helps us to cope with meetings when we feel there is sabatoge taking place.

Humor can be very suttle , it doesn’t have to be a clown around every corner. A cartoon, a smile, silly stuff, humor is different for everyone.

 

 

TOPIC #14:         How to bridge between cultures. Why are all women white?

CONVENOR: Lu Rachelle Brim-Atkins

PARTICIPANTS:

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Issues:

Fear and scarcity were a common theme through out.

Not making the progress initiated in the 60’s. It s possibly worse

November vote on Initiative 200 - anti-affirmative action.

Right wing is more vocal, moving from subtle to blatant. White women are the main benefactors from the last 15 years.

Some people not realizing they’re discriminating.

Why have some been left behind? Why can’t we all contribute and benefit?

Women need to be educated. They don’t realize problems - complacent. Don’t know full ramifications of Initiative 200.

How do you attract a diverse group? How do you support them? Not make them the odd person out? Why don’t white women mentor women of color?

60’s- missed an opportunity to talk about equivalencies; What does everyone get out of it? How do we market the idea? How do we keep talking about it? What do I need to do to get over my fears?

No such thing as status quo - you go forward or you go backward.

How do we help all women develop skills and succeed? Should be skill based diversity.

How do you encourage people to mentor when they are nervous for themselves?

Bigger picture - people in community - focus is what about me, Looking at cutting welfare., etc. Why is all this happening?

Scarcity Model is alive.

Why aren’t we as women putting ourselves in a more integrated environment?

People avoid discomfort - avoid knowing and understanding others

How do we get comfortable with change? We’re comfortable being the critics. How do we be the leader? Where am I dodging being a leader?

People aren’t speaking up against discrimination.

Women afraid to speak up against men in corporations.

We can make subtle changes and influences on our own. Don’t have to make bold strong stances against discrimination.

Start an infinity group - to support diverse beliefs - giving each other strength.

Why don’t people stand up (white women)?

Is there any recognition of the impact on people of color when things are said and ignored? Telling people after the fact that "you’re sorry" doesn’t help. People who allow this aren’t full up to their eyes of this kind of treatment.

We don’t come together in solidarity.

People who have been discriminated against can lose all their rights, receive death threats, the organization shuts down against them. It can be very serious.

Language causes many if not most misunderstandings - not race or sex.

If you are comfortable, you’re not learning

We’re all ignorant of other’s cultures - we need to share and learn about each other’s cultures. Honor each other’s needs and beliefs

Intent and impact are 2 different issues. You may not intend to hurt someone, but the impact can be strong.

There is prejudice against different religions as well. Get rid of words that wound.

Women have so much in common - afraid to bring up diverse points

Why is it a problem to be colorblind? Or gender blind? Difference Blind? The only time it is a problem to notice is when there is a judgment attached.

Working class white males feel like they’re being locked out. We can’t be "us and them". We have to be compassionate for the white male and everyone else. We have to be leaders by partnering.

We have to know ourselves and our trigger points. Reflect back to one another in a supportive way.

How do we build the bridges?

Vote - talk to others about voting.

In leadership - make it OK to say "I didn’t like what you said and here’s why….". Create a safe environment to talk through diverse topics.

What kind of a different integrated model can we create where everyone can be comfortable. How do we create a different world view? Put yourself in an uncomfortable place. Learn what it’s like to be invisible, to not know the rules.

Great film called Color of Fear. It’s all men. A great film to stimulate conversation.

There is another film created through World Trust with all women.

We need to have multicultural meetings. One example is the Forum on Race sponsored by the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.

How do we create a safe place to be uncomfortable?

We need to conceive of a paradigm of partnering. We have to hold it as possible - hold in consciousness. "A Different Mirror" is a good book.

Shop in a neighborhood where you don’t normally shop. Go to fairs in different communities - International District. Pathfinder has 2 Thursdays a month for Native American sharing. They also teach conflict management. We should teach this to children and adults. Check the newspaper for different cultural activities.

 

TOPIC #15:         Women as Peacemakers/Reconciliation/Making Sense of What’s

CONVENOR: Norma, Cleo Molina & Terry?

PARTICIPANTS: Gerilynn Brusseau, Raye Brusseau, Andrea Rabinowitz, Susan __? Suzanne Tedesko

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Three groups with similar topics combined. Session began with each of three speaking about their reason for calling the group; then others shared why they were drawn to come.

(Ranges from women who’ve lost family members in Vietnam and wanting to mend…60’s activists now with the added personal motivation of having teenagers of her own; women who’ve been involved in citizen diplomacy to social justice work.) Women shared personal stories of their personal losses through war .

            Gerilynn tells her story about losing a brother in Vietnam just 16 days after he arrived in Vietnam and how that event changed her life. Despite the pain and isolation she felt after his death, something about the experience "went into my heart in a good way." A second life-changing experience was welcoming 5 Soviet guests to her Edmonds restaurant : out of these two experiences, the idea of culinary diplomacy – cooks cooking together and farmers farming together – was born, and Gerilynn began organizing "culinary diplomacy initiatives in the Soviet Union and the Middle East. In ’95, when she learned that Vietnam was opening its borders to U.S. citizens, she decided to launch a citizen’s initiative in Vietnam, believing that official state relations should be built upon pre-existing citizen efforts. She merged her program with that of her late husband, Danaan Perry, (who started Earthstewards) to start an organization called Peacetrees Vietnam. In collaboration with Oxfam and other groups, a delegation went to Quong Tree province – an area devastated during the Vietnam War that still had about 58,000 landmines undetonated; at least one child every week dying from accidents. The group consisted of 43 people from 8 countries, including a team of retired US military de-miners. that cleared 18 acres of landmines and planted trees on the land. For 3 weeks they lived & worked with the Vietnamese. In March, representatives of the group broke ground for a Center for Landmines Education; group is receiving backing and support from the US State Dept. Gerilynn met a Vietnamese woman who’s a surgeon that performed surgery inside the CuChi tunnels during the war. She shared that she’d not only operated on wounded Vietnamese, but wounded GI’s as well. She was heartened by the project and arranged for The Women’s Union of Vietnam women’s group to design a curriculum for the Landmines Education Center.

            Another woman shared that some years ago, she’d worked on military technology, developing infaraed anti-tank missiles; in recent years; she was plagued by a recurrent nightmare and realized she had to quit her job. Since then, she has been doing peace work.

            Cleo Molina has just returned from Mexico. Situation there is very volatile and the gulf between rich & poor in increasing dramatically. (4 of the 12 richest billionaires in the world are Mexican.) Explains how government bribes poor people by giving them food to squeal on their neighbors if they’re suspected Zapatistas (guerrillas); the government, in turn, retaliates by wiping out families of suspected Zapastistas, and the result is a total breakdown of community. Andrea shares that the same thing happened in Romania with parents turning their children in (or vice versa? Not sure about this).

            Suzanne would like to see a World Reconciliation Network spearheaded by women. It could begin with a group like MAVIA - Mothers Against Violence in America & other women like those at this conference linking up with women’s groups in other countries – like the Vietnam Women’s association Gerilynn’s mentioned –to create a global citizen’s peace initiative. In the process we’d show that there are alternative models to the overarching model of globalization and capitalist-driven consumption, models based on mutuality and support that women are developing in the US in women’s circles. With the growing access to the Internet, the possibility of having a powerful collective voice exists, not just women in this country, but globally as well.

            Norma mentions a national women’s internet group called GRRLS that ‘s a way of exchanging information.

Suzanne suggests that possibly that or another group could serve as a means of mobilizing a rapid response to national policy or world events by showing that MANY citizens—who happen to be women-- have an alternative worldview/objectives and oppose war, aggression and global policies that promote inequity and breed violence.

Norma mentions the Peace Theological Seminary in Los Angeles that has people do various exercises in order to experience peace in their own body. She quotes a DF. Of "peace" as "cessation of against-ness," bringing it back to the notion that peace begins with personal reconciliation with anyone you have conflict with. Peace begins at home. Shares how she reconciled a difficult relationship with her mother when she moved her to Seattle.

            Cleo is studying the effect of reconciliation between family members; has sent out 150 questionnaires in which people share their stories, and to her amazement, only 20 out of the 150 people who’ve responded said they had models in their life for reconciliation – the rest had to figure it out for themselves. What’s challenging about her reconciliation work is how to get from the inner to the outer and the outer to the inner. "When we can share stories, we can learn from each other. If we don’t do that, we objectify: eg. Labels like "sandwich generation" are bandied about which objectify difficult relationships(& remove them from heart-space.)

            Gerilynn: Reconciliation – I like that word… We should use it more….

            Norma talked about a conflict situation in her work with another group that talks the talk of spirituality, but their behavior is anything but. "To be spiritual warriors—I think that’s how we have to engage in the world and the Web is the way to do it. "We’re skilled writers, speakers…" …connectors.

            Cleo:" We’re skilled at ‘being with.’ Someone in grief needs people to be with them. Reconciliation is a process of "being with" spiritually.

            Gerilynn: That’s Really important. To sit with (sharing grief) without making judgments or proposing solutions. Just witnessing…being with.

            Cleo: When we feel pain and are by ourselves, it grows, festers, leaks out, drains out energy. That’s why having that presence is important – someone who will just be with us.

……….Women are good at that.

.

TOPIC #16:         Prevention/Intervention of violence and school failure by youth

CONVENOR: Betty Patu

PARTICIPANTS: Mary Carroll, Kay Bullitt, Jane McClure

 

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Success of 11 years program at Cooper Elementary School, Success of 11 years program at Rainier Beach High School. Problems in maintaining the program, looking at different ways of how to maintain program in the school district. Looking at the success stories of students who completed the program and their parents. Changing the community from a shooting gallery of weekly drive-bys and gangs running the school to gang members integrating into the programs and passing it on to other young people who are coming in for help.

 

 

TOPIC #17:         How can we guide and support our young daughters to develop a pleasure-filled, healthy, and safe sexuality?

CONVENOR: Mary Holscher

PARTICIPANTS: Lorraine Bayes, Chris Elsbree, Marcy Jackson, Marilyn Kennelly, Judy Leland, Stephanie Sarantos, Andrea Widdison, Ileana (couldn’t read last name)

Notetaker: Stephanie; Recorder: Mary

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY;

We opened with a poem:

                                    Unspoken

                                   

                                    Judith Ortiz Cofer

                                    to my daughter

                        When I hug you tight at bedtime,

                        you wince in pain for the tender

                        swelling of new breasts.

                        Nothing is said, both of us aware

                        of the convenant of silence

                        we must maintain through the rending

                        apart that is adolescence.

                                                But it won't always

                        be confusing and hurting, the body

                        will find itself through this pain;

                        remember Michelangelo, who believed

                        that in marble, form already exists,

                        the artist's hands simply pulling it out

                        into the world.

                                                I want to tell you about men:

                        the pleasure of a lover's hands on skin

                        you think may rip at elbows and knees

                        stretching over a frame like clothes

                        you've almost outgrown, of the moment

                        when a woman first feels

                        a baby's mouth at her breast, opening her

                        like the hand of God in Genesis, the moment

                        when all that led to this seems right.

                                                Instead I say, sweet dreams,

                        for the secrets hidden under the blanket

                        like a forbidden book

                        I'm not supposed to know you've read.

In Cries of the Spirit: A Celebration of Women's Spirituality, edited by Marilyn Sewell, Boston: Beacon             Press, 1991, p. 71

Mary shared a quote from Patricia Hersch's A Tribe Apart: "We have to reconnect the adolescent community to ours. It is not so hard. We just need to reach out and embrace them and take the time to get to know them--one by one, as individuals, not a tribe." (p. 172). The poem addresses an aspect in our relationship with our young adolescent girls--the need for privacy and silence--and the quotation addresses another aspect--the need for open conversation and connection. How can we weave these together with our daughters and other adolscent girls in our lives? She invited us to reflect on two questions, imagining ourselves again as young girls: Can you recall a moment of confusion or concern about sex that you wish you could have talked to an adult about? Can you recall a time you received help from an adult about your emerging sexuality? (in our sharing, none of us who spoke could recall a time of being helped by an adult before we were college-age!).

Several of us talked about how our young daughters (pre-teen) have begun to kiss us with a new and different intensity, and we can sense their juices beginning to flow. We want to celebrate this and keep it alive for them (and also keep them safe and help them to make wise choices). We explored together how to talk with our daughters about sexual pleasure, including self pleasure, especially if we feel they are too young to have sex. One of us celebrated auto-eroticism as a great term. We need to have both the conversations that explore deeper feelings about sexual intimacy and the conversations about the dangers and need for protection. One suggestion was to actively encourage our daughters to make thoughtful, educated choices about sexual abstinence/activity (similar to making a choice about drug use or abstinence) well before they are actively considering sex (a passionate moment is not the best time to make such a choice). This might include their own research and opportunities to talk with older girls and women. We also felt it important for us to talk directly with our daughters about the emotional aspect of sex (and how it relates to values), not only the facts they get in sex education. One of us commented that sex education classes stop conversations about sex at home. One suggestion to keep conversations flowing was to watch movies together. Suggestions included "Don Juan deMarco" (for boys or girls) because of its wonderful descriptions of a woman's body and sexual awakening (and a great sex "scene" --all in total darkness-- with an older married couple) and an old movie "Little Darlings" (early '80s?), that directly addresses the intensely personal and intimate nature of the choice to be sexual with someone ("Nobody ever told me it would be so personal," a young adolescent girl says after having sex for the first time). Another idea is to take a drive together--it can be easier to talk about sex without having to look directly at each other! We can give a gift such as Changing Bodies, Changing Lives (one of us gave a copy to her niece when she was 13 and she seemed totally disinterested, but when she was grown the niece confided that she kept it under her pillow for years and secretly read and cherished it).

We explored the pull between, on the one hand, privacy and mystery and, on the other hand, a desire to be open and talk about it. What is our role, relationship, and responsibility to our children? We still (as a culture and internalized in many of us) have a shame-based morality about sex and that can contribute to our challenges. We want to talk directly about masturbation as a first step--pleasure, self-pleasure--and create/open a door to talk (especially when our culture is not often supportive of masturbation as a safe way for young girls to pleasure themselves). Girls also need to feel empowered to use protection, when they do choose to be sexual with another person. Young people need to have dialogues with each other about sex (guided conversations, as a possibility). One mother shared that her 9 year old daughter said she feels comfortable talking with her friends about getting her period, etc. (the inference: so not to worry, Mom). In our conversations, we need to include the possibility that an unplanned pregnancy can bring great joy, even though we do desire our daughters to plan. Despite our (and their) best efforts, our daughters might one day accidentally get pregnant. They might then choose to embrace the child that "just happens," or might choose to abort or give the baby up for adoption. We also need to emphasize to our daughters that the decision about becoming sexually active is of a different order than the decisions to skip school, sneak out, etc. For young adolescents, all these rules can get lumped together. We explored differences among us, with several of us speaking to a clear sense of limits (not condoning sex for a young adolescent) and another saying that the important thing for her was that her daughter have pleasure and is safe (avoids pregnancy and disease), not how old she is when she becomes sexually active (this being such a private and individual decision).

We talked about a major social problem--adolescents spend so little time with their parents (note: Hersch quoted a study by Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi and Reed Larson that adolescents spend only 4.8 percent of their time with their parents and only 2 percent with adults who were not their parents, p. 20). Adolescence can be a lonely time and adolescents are often starved for touch and attention, which may get channeled fully into sex. We explored ways for adolescents to have physical closeness, including mothers continuing to hug and kiss our kids (one of us described a big double-wide chair she bought just so she could grab her daughter and sit their together for a moment or two) and adolescents being around preschool age kids, who will shower them with affection. Someone mentioned an ad campaign: 101 ways of loving without doing it. Another mentioned the value of a non-traditional Girl Scout program in her part of Oregon called Wise Choice (Wise stands for Wisdom Increases Self Esteem), where girls can meet together and get peer support and talk about issues concerning them. It can be difficult to find another adult for your child to talk with (what if the values of the other adult differ from one's own, for example), but if the right person is found, this can be valuable. We need to find ways to actively intervene to make our adolescent girls' (and boys) lives less lonely, physically and emotionally.

We also talked about the role we have to play in honoring the sacredness of life, honoring meaningful rites of passage. It is a sacred passage when a young girl becomes old enough to make babies, has the power to make life, and we can celebrate it in a way that fits our daughters' own personality and preferences (e.g., a special piece of jewelry, a special trip, or a ritual). It's not enough just to get clinical, menstrual education. We need to re-sacralize sex to counteract the good girls/bad girls thing (which is still very present in our culture). We can take small steps--even something as simple as hanging a calendar of prints from Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel in the dining room can be a celebration of the beauty of the human body.

It's important to recognize how different girls can be from one another (and from their mothers) and to allow for their individual personalities and how they are unfolding. One might be very comfortable being naked with other women; another might be very shy. One might be very comfortable asking questions about her mother's sexuality (and, if the mother feels uncomfortable, she needs to not push her away and yet set her own boundaries of privacy) or her own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and another quite reserved. This led to our talking about how important it is for girls to understand that there is no perfect size for women's bodies (one of us quoted a study that said a large percentage of fourth graders are already concerned about the size of their bodies). We can help girls understand that all body shapes and sizes can be desirable to someone (and none are desirable to all, for that matter). As one of us said, "We need to get it: diversity means being different, really different!" One thing is not an ideal over something else, in any kind of objective sense. We need to challenge any tendency we have to make assumptions about people based on their bodies (e.g., one of us has a mother who is 50 pounds overweight and yet is very strong, active, and healthy). Each person's body--just as it is--is an expression of the divine.

           

A short list of books related to girls' and young women's psychological and sexual development:

Boston Women's Health Book Collective. Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century.            New York: Simon & Schuster, 1984, 1998.

____________.Changing Bodies, Changing Lives. New York: Simon & Schuster, new             edition, July, 1998.

Brown, Lyn Mikel and Carol Gilligan. Meeting at the Crossroads: Women's Psychology            and Girls' Development. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press, 1992.

Hersch, Patricia. A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolsecence.

            New York: The Ballantine Publishing Group, 1998.

Wolf, Naomi. Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood. New York: Random            House, 1997.

(these are suggested by Mary Holscher)

                                   

 

TOPIC #18:         Women in Prison

CONVENOR: Mary Carroll

PARTICIPANTS: Betty Patu, Karen DuFourDesChamps, Pat Mighone, Kathryn Alexander, Liz Campbell, Marie Salen, Kay Bullitt, Arvella

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

When Delia Alaniz was granted clemency, she wanted to help women of similar circumstances she left behind in prison. A group of twelve was formed to help. They visited women in prison once a month for two and half years. This effort resulted in a bill being pass by the legislature for mitigation of sentences based upon abused by the victim. This group than respresented inmate who applied for mitigation under this law. They succeeded in helping a number of them. The organization than continued to represent women in prison before the clemency and pardon board.

Information about organizations helping women in prison is available from Mary Carroll.

 

 

TOPIC #19:         Surrendering to the call of the cave; & Self emerging through grief and loss

CONVENOR: Suzanne Anderson & Jerilyn Brusseau

PARTICIPANTS:

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Suzanne opened the discussion with her story of choosing her father as a role model and her anger at losing herself, and the difficulty she had finding her own identity. The need to go into the cave to heal. The need to allow her emotions to surface to rebuild her self.

Jerilyn - My husband dies 18 months ago and with his death I lost my "self." I also developed a life threatening sickness. Between these two things I have become at a loss to know who I am. The "selves" that died with his death have left me searching for who "I" am. I feel I need to go deeper into the cave in order to get out.

Pat - My husband died also, nine years ago and I have a life threatening disease, AIDS. I have found that the path to healing is to let go of expecting it to get better, and accept it being different. The texture changes. It was like 80% sandpaper at two years and it took many years for it to become 20%. I raged, in "controlled" situations, but I raged. I needed to go into the pit so I could come back. I felt the "death" of the couple, being my death n the community. I wondered how people could say such "trivial" things, "God only gives you what you can handle", etc. Then I met a woman who lost all of her children in a house fire and I heard the same banalities wanting to come out of my mouth.

Kathryn - Two years ago my son left to spend the night with his friends, as he always did. He didn’t come home and I didn’t worry about it. The next day he didn’t come home and I called his friends and they hadn’t seen him. It was then that I knew something was wrong.. Ten days later he was found in Las Vegas, he had put a gun to his head. I appreciate the "selves" that you said you lost, and I also know of the rage you felt. The gift of his death, however was different. I spent 20 years of my life meditating. I had a memory surface of me as a mother placing my baby into the arms of the god Baal. That baby was my son - I had done this 4500 years ago. I also had the memory of being on the battle field with my son and he had his foot on my head and he slit my throat. I remember asking my he did that. He didn’t have to kill me. When he was born and after I brought him home from the hospital I experienced the most difficult pain I had ever felt. I could not move to reach the phone and call for help. I thought to him that I hoped he would sleep through this because I could not do anything. He did, and I knew he was compassionate. I put all of these things together later. But I also discovered that I was fearful that this thread that had kept us together may break, if this karma was completed. Knowing all this has not lessened the pain, but it’s different now.

Ellen - Death gives you permission to feel. In a year I lost 5 people close to me. My niece’s death was very hard, because we were everything to each other. A few months after her death I took a job at the request of a women and she left the company only a few months after. I found myself in a hostel environment where I was asked to lie, cheat and steal. I left that company and took a year off to rethink my life. I worked with a friend to heal. Now I can continue to grieve and also recognize what I gained. I lived on next to nothing and now know that I can do anything.

Susan - I’ve been in depression fostered in part by some abuse by my father, I uncovered. I was also in the position of being with my father when he died. Writing helped my handle this. Now I’m trying to learn how to integrate this into the workplace with out being aggressive.

? - I need to leave, but I want you to know how much I’ve appreciated your sharing. I’m going through a divorce and I too feel as if I’ve experienced a death. I was in a bad marriage, but I though I’d fix it. When he found someone else, I felt as if everything I knew fell away. I’d lost myself in the marriage and now I’m finding myself. I gave myself up. Now I find I’m being able to choose who I can spend my time with.

Sharon - I lost a lot of people in the war, When I was two my father died. I feel as if I’ve carried death with me all of my life. I’m now taking care of my 94 year old mother as she dies, experiencing the roller coaster of eminent death. Then when my dog died I felt as if I was experiencing all of the death I had not grieved for. On the day after she died I was leading an art project that was a memorial to a woman who had lived a very good life, and it hit me that it was in conceivable that a person or animal who died would only be a memory.

Judy - I have always been a single parent. Having my daughter was the best thing I have ever done for myself, but I’ve also lost myself. Now that she’s 13, I’m trying to find myself as she grows. I want to know how to help her, so she doesn’t have to loose herself. I’m now getting in touch with pieces of me that friends haven’t seen for years. I grieve for the dishonoring I’ve done to those parts of me I’ve set aside.

Jerilyn - How do we tend and nurture the self that’s emerging?

Christine - in 8 months I’ve experiences two medical emergencies, and 12 deaths. Many were relatives that were at the end of their long life, one was my grandfather, and my godmother. The heavy weight of those deaths. I’m noticing my grandmother, who at 91 gave dinner parties become a shell of her former self in the just one year. I’m only now beginning to feel that spark coming back. I’m making room for it. How can you, how do you draw it out?

Suzanne - It’s a delicate phase. The comfort of the cave, is that it’s known. I received a card from a store congratulating me for my recent birth. This reminded me of my miscarriage. I know I’m different and that I won’t be the same again, but I’m trying to keep the "old" me from coming roaring back. I’ve been in grief and I don’t need to keep doing that. I don’t want to go back there, I want to fan the new flame.

Susan - The power of ritual, either traditional, from a tribal or ethnic source or self created can really heal. I was fortunate to be the participant in such a healing and I cannot express how healing it was. I truly felt different the next day. So much lifted off me. Creation of a ritual can really heal.

Christine - The hardest death for me was my grandfathers. He insisted that we not hold a service for him.

Jerilyn - My mother is here and has been my ally and support through this. My father died about a year ago, so we have been supporting each other. I lost my place in the community when m husband died. The people we knew as a couple dropped me. There is no ritual or support for the people who remain. There is no acknowledgment of the changed role.

 

 

TOPIC #20:         Individuation and Connection

CONVENOR: Kathryn Alexander

PARTICIPANTS: Claudia Plaza, Jane Woodward, Mickie Angello, Betty Paulson

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

This discussion revolved around the question of how women can provide to organizations a way to use ‘relationship’ connections to provide ways of working. An organization can be any group of people – e.g. a corporation, a family, a friendship, a support group, a club. The following are a number of the ideas that were discussed:

  1. Individuation is seen as looking first at the individual - equates to power and control in an organization and equates to personal power for an individual.
  2. Connection is seen as working towards a model to involve the ‘team’ in allowing the organization to work effectively.
  3. Individuation vs. connection is not a gender issue.
  4. In the spirit of looking at leadership, how does the role of leader relate to the concept of individuation and/or connection.?
    1. The act of leadership needs to involve ‘finding one’s own voice’.
    2. Kathryn recommended the book ‘Women’s Way of Knowing’ by Belinkey to get some ideas about ‘finding one’s own voice’.
    3. There is a tendency of personally connected women to use individuation in seeking leadership in the ‘organization’ structure.
  5. The traditional organization pyramidal hierarchy creates the ‘finger pointing’ dynamic.
  6. Individuation and connection do, and need to coexist.
  7. A question to ponder is ’how can women provide to organizations a way to use ‘relationship’ connections to provide ways of working?’ - e.g. in business, in family.
    1. by providing a model of behavior: asking for (and expecting) authenticity from coworkers, being personally authentic, getting all the right people involved in projects and decisions, etc.
    2. by speaking up when relationships are trashed - don’t accept the normal as necessary.
  8. A model for moving from total individuation to high connection is:
    1. Control - ‘doing it my way’
    2. Influence - if done from a caring place, brings more of the feeling doing things together. Influence can, unfortunately, also be done based on such things as fear and guilt.
    3. Appreciation - at this point, each member shares the vision and can appreciate the contribution of others toward the shared vision.
  9. Manipulation is omnipresent in organizations of all shapes and sizes and is getting increasingly dangerous.
  10. A way to get to authentic information is to continue asking questions:
    1. Please explain what you mean?
    2. Ask for clarification on subject matter.
  11. How does one maintain individuation when maximum connection is the programmed way of life?
    1. need to stay in tune to self
    2. use personal techniques to maintain individuality and not give away personal energy
  12. For people that are control-oriented, connecting can feel like loss of boundaries and therefore loss of self.
  13. Need to find the place for individuation and connection to achieve win/win situations
  14. Kathryn recommended the book, ‘Two Step’ on relationships.
    1. need to have own identity
    2. relationship won’t work well if the roles are ‘the pursued and the pursuer’
  15. Balance is not a fixed place - it is fluid.
  16. The model for the control dynamic is the pyramid.
  17. What are some possible models for the connected model?
    1. Circle
    2. Bubbling Spring
    3. Web
    4. Spiral
    5. Sphere
  18. Some ideas on the inverted pyramid
    1. the decision makers watch the actual work being done
    2. actions are taken on the symptoms for short term relief and then actions are taken on resolving the problems
  19. Examples were discussed where men have not honored the value of being connected in the work place and were unable to respond when long relationships were removed in a virtual instant - it helps to be able to talk about it.
  20. We can all profit from being congruent in our lives.

 

 

TOPIC #21:         Seniors doing things with the added support of the young.

CONVENOR: Ethel Kessler

PARTICIPANTS: Jeretta Scotts, Betty Paulson

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Jeratta directs activities at a nursing home and is humor specialist using the power of humor. Has a business call Leisure Inspirations with the hot air balloon as the logo. Betty is in hi-tech in the corporate. Ethel is a free lance writer that writes about seniors doing things, active things, Her inspiration Hazel Morrison, who is an artist, superintendent of the arts and a Connecticut Yankee. Ethel is a super senior, highly qualified to speak to this topic.

Hazel at age 100 traded her paint brush for the pen. At 104 her book of poetry went into its 3rd printing. Ethel knew Hazel well because she has written a book about her. Hazel was presented with the Award for Lifetime Achievements. Her daughter is 75. Her books of poetry went into its 6th printing went Hazel turned 106. Several days before she passed away at 107 she dedicated a poem that explained her mood about her impending travel on: she discussed being packed, the books she was taking, etc. She is Ethel motivational inspiration. Hazel is a great example of seniors being active.

Jeratta motivates seniors in nursing homes to accomplish and adds humor and activities to their daily lives. She helps senior couples that may be separated because one is in the home and the other is not, to spend at least a night together as often as possible. When a partner passes away she helps the surviving partner to find comfort by helping them find something to hold during the nights while they adjust to sleeping alone.

Betty is a baby-boomer who is watching her parents age and it has caused her to take a look at the future for herself and others in our society as they age.

Ethel feels that every learning stage is a memory assist. There are a lot of tricks that can help everyone, regardless of their age. Don’t be afraid to learn new things.

 

 

TOPIC #22:         Requesting from Pleasure—Creating Powerfully with Men

CONVENOR: Christine Roess

PARTICIPANT: Christine Roess, Kim Hatch, Carol Yamada, Ellen Nell, Claudia Plaza, Judy Prince, Jane Woodard, Emma Bezy, Sara White, Mary Watts, Kerri Stoehr, Joy Huber, Norma Mamuler

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

CONTEXT:Action happens out of the requests and promises we make. Women can breakthrough in creating powerfully with men by asking for what they want—communicating their vision through direct requests that are grounded in pleasure and respect.

DISCUSSION:

SUMMARY: A request made from pleasure is direct, gives genuine choices of response, and comes from a freedom for achieving pleasure or bliss (and not from fear). There are four powerful responses to a request: (1) accept, (2) decline, (3) counteroffer, (4) commit to commit. Example: When a request comes to me, I say, "Let me think about it over night," and watch my energy about it. The next day I decline or accept.

ACTION: Christine made a request of the group: My request is that you come up with one powerful request that you will make of someone that will generate the next level of leadership. She requested that she be told by the end of this conference what that request will be. One example she gave: "I want you to be one my Board of Directors and ask you to take on the well-being of my life." Many women in the circle agreed to Christine’s request.

 

TOPIC #23:         Spirituality in Business

CONVENOR: Mimi Weiss

PARTICIPANTS: Allison Doglio, Judith Nilan, Claudia Plaza, Emma Bezy, Sara White, Kerri Stoehr, Kathy Cox, Jeretta Scott, Barb Swift, Ethel Kessler, Christine Roess, Birgitt Bolton, Judy Prince

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

It is difficult to capture all that was discussed. The notes that we did take centered on the question: "What do I/we want to know?" Here are the answers…

We discussed the fact that the power lies within each of us to create a place that is nurturing for others and ourselves to be in. Our task is to honor that power and model our own beliefs for others.

 

 

There are workshops being done around the world dealing with this topic. There is one in Seattle in August.

 

 

TOPIC #24:         Listening to the Deep Feminine - Inviting Her presence through dialogue

CONVENOR: Suzanne Anderson, Stephanie Ryan

PARTICIPANTS: Karen Furia, Micheline Ward, Kim Larson

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

We initiated the dialogue process by burning some sage as a way to clear the space for new thoughts and feelings that would emerge in the ‘fertile womb’ of our small group. Our being together and deeply listening to one another birthed the following meaningful themes:

                                    Plain and Simple

                                    I Sit Listening to the Wind / Circle of Stones (Judith Duerck)

                                    Simple Abundance

                                    Unknown Woman

                                    Why am I afraid to Tell You Who I am

                                    Mists of Avalon

 

 

TOPIC #25:         Emerging Tools and Processes for Creating & Building Sustainable Environments: Recreating Democracy and Community Building

CONVENOR: Barbara Swift

PARTICIPANTS: Barbara Swift, Sylvia Reyna, Norie Sato, Kay Bullitt, Anne Focke, Arvella Weir

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Barbara introduced the topic by talking a bit about her interest in designing for communities through their participation, in developing environments in a wholistic way, rather than through solutions developed within a single discipline.

She is a landscape architect and a member of the Seattle Design Commission (SCD). The current director of the Design Commission is a great example of a leader who operates as a squash plant (from Marge Piercy’s poem, "The Seven of Pentacles"). She works quietly, doesn’t wait for someone else to do it, but also doesn’t take a loud, directive style. She works from the bottom up, collaboratively.

Sylvia works with the state school system which offers an interesting dilemma in that the schools encourage local autonomy, but at the same time brings many state regulations and rules

An important aspect of the way Marci Wagner (current director of SDC) works is that she helps set a goal, an aspiration, and she makes sure it is set high, beyond an individual and beyond an individual agency. The methods are full of integrity and value. People from various agencies, in and out of city government, are brought together around something larger than themselves. By keeping their eyes on the larger goal tends to "neutralize" the conflicts that would otherwise emerge.

We began to use images of bermuda grass and wild strawberry plants in addition to squash plants for the way this work proceeds.

Arvella described a retreat that she encouraged at the EPA agency where she works. A similar concept was put into practice as the whole office worked together to come up with a single goal that everyone could contribute to.

Barbara noted that the way of working that Marci represents is at risk right now because, after 13 years, Marci is leaving the position. How can the way of working continue after the central person leaves. An observation from the group was that it seems that the way of working has put roots down into the agency as a whole, beyond the one individual, into Barb herself, into other commissioners, into staff who have worked there, and into others in the city who have been affected by it. Barb concurred, and said that one of her goals is to nurture many "Marcis".

Barb also noted that this style of working is dependent on casual connections. It is implicitly opportunistic and entrepreneurial. Much cajoling as well.

Is reflection built into the process? Absolutely. The group incorporates a conversation about how they can best have an impact into each of their every-two-week meetings. They also have a twice-a-year session where they establish a work plan and goals. They think about criteria and principles.

SDS’s role often is to balance value-driven decisions against money-driven decisions. Everyone agreed that, these days, bringing in revenue seems to be a guiding standard, and all wish it weren’t so, and want to see it change.

Kay asked about the Seattle Commons project, wondering why it didn’t succeed. One critique was that richer solutions are more possible if they don’t come from such big, grand visions. The single thing that tries to happen all at once may not be as effective in the long run as something that grows incrementally. Norie told about the Central Part Trail, for which she developed an art plan. It was built by linking existing resources rather than by starting with a big plan. It took was there, fixed and added, and operated with a very low budget.

Thinking about replacing a staff person, Anne mentioned her "jigsaw puzzle piece" notion of how people fit into positions. When they leave, their absence leaves an odd-shaped space that no other one person could fill. So, one shouldn’t expect to find an identical piece, but allow new person to fill some of the empty spaces and grow new appendages, let sometimes surprising strengths of existing people fill some.

Norie mentioned that "growing the city" is about many people taking responsibility for things.

We tend to want to move things along too quickly, want results too fast. Sometimes they just take time

Arvella said she feels her office is in the midst of a transition from hierarchy to empowering people, but they can’t quite see where they’re going yet. "I’m known for my insight into the obvious." She mentioned that from this weekend, she has begun thinking about a leader’s responsibility to leave a legacy.

An observation about Marci’s leadership style (shared by many other women, perhaps) is that one of the very characteristics that makes her so effective (the quiet, almost invisible way she gets the work done, gets others invested in the work), works against her being acknowledged within existing power structures. Barb gave an example of another woman in a position of authority at the city who seems to do both, that is play the demanding power game and also encourage (insist on) a working style based on teamwork.

In response to a question about whether the leading style we talked about (embodied in Marci’s work) is particularly female, there seemed to be agreement. Someone also mentioned noting over the past several years, that principles of this leadership style (or styles) are being codified and brought forward by men - which in many respects is just fine, at least they’re being put out there.

There was also general agreement that the "products" of this work are not so much tangible deliverables as they are intangible, impacts on relationships, critical but hard to see.

 

TOPIC #26:         Clay Studio

CONVENOR: Mara Esposito

PARTICIPANTS: Butterflies and Bumblebees

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Working the hands in order to better free the mind…

In a wonderful passage from Karen Gallas’s The Languages of Learning, the connection between practicing art and learning is captured in a quote from a young boy who says (paraphrased from memory), if you don’t know anything about a dragonfly then you draw it and then you’ll know. The intent of clay studio was to provide a reflective and creative environment for women to squish clay, to explore textures, to talk or to be quiet as they tuned into knowing. It was a breathing spot, a place to gear up for a discussion or to digest one, to fill up or to empty oneself. It was a chance to get your hands dirty, literally and otherwise.

Overheard exchange with our youngest Saturday participant, Savonne, across the clay:

Savonne, why are we here?

To play with clay.

Why were all those women sitting in the circle before?

To sing.

Why do you think we’re all here together today?

Because it’s a pretty day today.

What more is there to say or know?

 

TOPIC #27:         Healing the Abuse of Power

CONVENOR: Kathryn Alexander

PARTICIPANTS: Kathryn, Karla, Bessy, Nancy, Claudia, Jacqueline, Norma, Fabiola

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We started the conversation talking about the difference between men and women, using the information from another session. Claudia spoke about her experience in a previous session where the distinction was made between the core of feminism as "being" and the core of masculine as "doing." She talked about how the "pleasure" a woman may need is often sought through artifice instead of being directly asked for. The direct request, if made from a high enough place, offers the man an opportunity for "doing" that is a natural expression of his core being.

This led to a discussion of the issue of physical abuse suffered by some women at the hands of their men. Kathryn mentioned her theorizing that the separateness that men feel is often coupled with their denial and resistance to their need for connection. In that state they project out their need onto the women in their lives. This creates an uncomfortable dependence on those women. The response to this dependence is to "beat it into submission" in order to maintain control over it.

We have the power to change, to act from our powerfulness if we do not take the role of victim . There are times when you are in situations where the choices offered are not ones you really want to make. If you become subjugated then you have given your power to the abuser. If you choose subjugation, then you have kept your integrity, even though you are/have been forced to do something you would not normally choose to do.

Kathryn said; when my son committed suicide, I could have chosen to be the victim of his action. Instead I chose to allow him the freedom of his actions, and to see them as his actions. I still need to go through the effect of his actions, but I am able to heal, because I am responsible for my own hurt.

This separateness is so much a part of our life that we take it for granted. Historically this has been very well explained in the book The Reenchantment of the World by Morris Berman. Pre Middle Ages we dealt with the world through magic. Our way of controlling the world was through spells, rituals etc. Newton was the lynch pin in the change. In the book he shares Newton’s writings and you can see his change from a mystical person to a scientific person. Our ability to be separate has allowed us to achieve our skyscrapers, our electric towers, our nuclear plants. But that being separate put us outside of the system - acting on, manipulating it. There is nothing wrong with either approach - used appropriately. Our task now is to reconnect with the system and use our knowledge in the service of the system. In the video, A Sense of Place they show how the way we treat water, through chemicals and processes (manipulation) cleans the water, but doesn’t enliven it. In contrast people have been able to use the Earth’s process’s of a marsh to create "living" machines that can filter all the waste from used water be putting it through recreated filtering systems that act the same way as the marsh. So they live with these beautiful ponds and plants that filter all their waste, but don’t create any of the problems that chemicals do and that enliven the water, once again.

Discovering how to move in tune, in sync, in the same rhythm as the system in the next step. We push the river, we don’t have the patience to wait. This impatience often creates a need in us to manipulate others and that manipulation is an act of abuse. It is an act that devalues the other. People who experience this then, are left with the task of dealing with their anger and rage at being mistreated.

We have this desire for immediate action, we don’t wait for the "growing process," for the plant to grow roots, before we want to harvest it.

Norma told the story of her pending marriage at 16. All her family was supportive and encouraging. She, however decided not to go through with it. Now, many years later, her family sees the wisdom of her decision.

Nancy told the story of how she asked her company to support her by changing her work schedule. They refused. When they found out that she was coming to America, they arranged for a newspaper article claiming that they gave her a scholarship. She was so sick about it that she couldn’t eat.

We talked about the different structures of power. The triangle for power over, and the circle for the power of relationship.

Karla asked, how do you work with a person "at the top" who is in control, and still get your ideas accepted? The response was to ask for help in implementing this idea for the person in control. In responding, the person in control will tell what his concerns and issues are, so you can think of ways to address them without ever asking for "permission."

We closed with a discussion of paradigms, and how they blind us to what we are seeing. By seeing men as "macho" we may be blinded to their helpfulness, and kindness. By seeing women as kitchen help, men are blinded to our brilliance and intelligence.

 

 

TOPIC #28:         Mentoring

CONVENOR: Kim Wells & Kim Larson

PARTICIPANTS:

Mara Esposito                          Leslie Collins                                        Tori Aspin

Robbie Drabek             "Mike" Ward                                        Mari Tester

Barbara Swift                           Lucinda Dustin                          Andrea Williamson      

DISCUSSION/SUMMMARY

"The most rewarding achievement would be to mentor a student who exceeded me."

                        Mara Esposito quoting her parents

At all ages, we are teachers and students. It is important to recognize this and be looking up to the previous generation and offering a hand up to the next. This natural relationship between women is often stifled in the work place as the pace of careers picks up and isolation increases. Our discussion addressed many questions about mentoring. Some of these included:

            What is a mentor?

Why are mentors important to women?

            Where does one find a mentor/Am I a mentor…if so…to who?

           

What is a mentor? "Mentors are able to model how to push the envelope in an honest way." "A mentor is someone who believes in you." Each member of our circle was quickly able to call her most potent teacher into the room. Although mentors were found on park benches in cafés and in the field, most of the group agreed that mentors came in two kinds. Those that helped with logistics or values. Ideally a mentor is perhaps both of these, but not necessarily. Logistics mentors tended to be important initially in women’s careers. Later a mentoring relationship based in common value systems seemed more prevalent. Most of all it was important that this be a person who could walk their talk.

 

Why are mentors important to women anyway?

 

Where does one find a mentor/Am I a mentor…if so…to whom?

Structured programs vs. Serendipity…

STRUCTRUED PROGRAMS: . Experiences in structured programs were varied. Everything from established relationships of mutual admiration to assigned tours of duty were reported. Often assigned mentors were not necessarily kindred spirits. Some judged that structured programs don’t often leave enough space for the spirit to creep in. "If you shine a light too brightly…it disappears," commented a participant. Factors that seemed to effect how a match fared was;

  1. Whether or not the mentor and mentee knew each other before hand and had an established relationship.
  1. Whether or not the mentor and mentee were able to have regular contact
  1. Whether or not the mentor or mentee were required to participate in the program

Many models available for a structured program:

SERENDIPITY:           Most of our mentors never knew who they were to us and probably wouldn’t have called themselves a mentor. These embodiments of help and inspiration were not often found through organizations. Well, there’s no plan for serendipity. It’s hard to find it on a web page, but creating open space in one’s life to let the light of another shine in is an important start. Don’t limit yourself. We all have something to learn and to give…fields are changing, integrating and cross pollinating. Whatever they study, it’s the spirit of connection that matters. Some mentors last a day, some a lifetime. The amount of time it is, is the right amount. Whatever works…let it happen…by mail, on the web, in conversation, or in a book. Let it happen.

 

 

TOPIC #29:         Money & Women’s Beliefs & Attitudes About It

CONVENOR:            Kia Hatch

PARTICIPANTS:      Tina Brown      Dorothy Kennelly

            Mari Tester      Diana Larsen

            Kathy Humphrey          Awilla Wier

            Toni Aspin        Karla Kelling

            LeylaWelken    Leslie Collins

            Betty Paulson   Sara White

            Patricia Paul     Mary Watts

            Kathy Cox       Kim Wells

            Judy Leland

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Question: "Do our attitudes about money empower us or disempower us?"

Concerns/beliefs shared by group:

·          Money is a forbidden topic in our country - considered very personal information

·          It’s an issue of independence; we want to be financially successful on our own - the       meaning of "financially successful" may differ from person to person

·          We must not let our attitudes/beliefs about money interfere with the ability of our            money to grow

·          Many people are very successful at managing the money of others, but are at a loss                    when it comes to their own finances

·          Fear can work two ways: it can either keep us from saving or cause us to begin saving

Two basic mentalities seem to pervade: 1) As soon as I have some extra money available I will save; or 2) I will save now and live on what is left over

Tools to use and principles to follow in managing money & gaining financial freedom

            -           The Millionaire Next Door

            -           The Tightwad’s Gazette

            -           The Money Drunk

            -           The Whole Kit and Caboodle

·          Investment clubs:

            -           NAIC (Nat’l Association of Investment Clubs)

                        NOTE: Phone: (248)583-6242 (x328) Fax: (248)583-4880

                                    e-mail: http//www.better-investing.org

            -           AAII (American Association of Independent Investors)

            -           If you don’t understand it, don’t do it!

            -           Decide on a process and stick to it!

            -           "What does an abundant life mean to me?"

            -           "How much money do I need to support an abundant life?"

Additional thought:        Many women expressed the feeling that we too often confuse the                       value of our services with our own self-value. Suggestion: Investigate             the fees of others in the same field, and use those figures to find a             ballpoint figure when determining your fee. Do not be afraid to ask         for the figure your services command! Remember: The market           values you according to how you value yourself!

 

TOPIC #30:         Media and Women: Feminism in Media

CONVENOR: Rachel Bolton

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We discussed the need for feminism in media. By feminism we mean that there is a need for less violence and sex, which could be achievced by moving towards more family oriented messages.

            A concern was made about all of the violence on television and in film today. This violence is both on everyday television shows, in many films, and all over the news. Violence seems to be becoming a major part of our every day lives and we are, for the most part, sitting back and letting it happen. This amount of violence which we are exposed to every day is obviously de-sensitizing the public, and small acts of violence no longer concearn us because we are so used to seeing it.

            The other concern we had was about the "sex sells" attitude that most advertising companies have. This means of advertising is creating many body issues among women. The image portrayed is not that of a real woman, but that of the "ideal woman" which doesn’t really exist.

            Many women have the same concerns that we discussed, but the question is "What can we do about it?" We came up with a few answers which are really just a few simple things that we can each do in our own lives.

            It seemed to us that the various media outlets are using the violence and sex because that is what sells, what the public wants. If we make it known that we don’t actually want to be exposed to all of this they will have no choice but to change to what we really want. There are a few simple things we can do to make this happen:

Finally, Jeretta shared an idea that she had to make media more enjoyable, which was to create the "Fun News Network." This network would broadcast "happy" news 24 hours a day. This would give people a chance to sit down and learn about the good things happening in the world as opposed to all of the horror and violence which is all we see on the news today.

With a little work we can make our ideas reality!

 

TOPIC #31:         I Shared this Vision.......

CONVENOR: Lucinda Dustin

PARTICIPANTS: None

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

In that there was no shared vision I have elected to offer what I saw these two day.

I find myself inside a warm cocoon. It is grey, but not cold, or wet, uncomfortable shades of grey, but instead is warm and comforting. Like being inside the fog that settles from the warmth above, the fog that hugs the ground and allows the heat of the day that has been gathered into the earth and is allowed to slowly release the gentle warmth into the night, the fog holding it close to the surface, like a down comforter.

I am not asleep under in this cocoon, but instead am listening to the murmmerings of gentle, but driven queens. I am content inside this cave, this quiet place of peace and rest.

Why do I feel compelled to enter into this talk? It means leaving my place of peace, it means involving, being present with, experiencing the gathering of the queens. I feel disengaged, not part of, content to listen and absorb some of that honest, electric energy.

Will they notice I chose to hover on the outside, to rest, to gather, to be selfish and allow them to feed my soul, to ease my exhaustion.

Participate, I’d better come out and play.

Yesterday the sun was alive, and danced and celebrated with the Queens. As though it to was full of their joy. Today, I left the cocoon behind. But I do not want to play. I am restless, not connected, floating outside the circle, sitting i the circle. My energy level is returning and I want to play, but in my own way.

I thank these special centers of love and fierce but beautiful growth, for allowing me to be here but I do not want to flit from one conversation to another, I want .........

To help in the gathering of the news, to hear the stories as they grow, and weave, as though I am seeing a living tapestry develop.

I want to be alone while with you. I do not comprehend or understand much of what I have heard so I am just going to be, and I know as I move from this place of play and commitment, that just as yesterday you permitted my cocoon, tomorrow you will allow my growth and as the fog that comforts, the warmth of learning light will envelop me.

 

TOPIC #32:         Reflecting on what we are learning about how we/I lead.

CONVENOR: Anne Stadler

PARTICIPANTS: Christine Roess, Birgitt Botton, Vilma Aguilar, Norie Sato, Kerri Stoehr, Estell A. Jones, Barbara Swift, Josefa Chinchilla, ellen Neel, Ethel Kessler, Marilyn Kennelly, Sylvia Reyne, Barbara Curtis, Peg Holman, Micheline Ward, Mary Holscher, Gei Chan, Emma Berg, Karen Furid.

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Anne opened with a statement on how this is affecting here in alignment of spirit, heart and emotion. She asked What has been teased out by the open space? We answered:

Important to have space for new voices, wisdom doesn’t only come with age.

 

TOPIC #33:         Living With and Through Intention   

CONVENOR: Diana Larsen

PARTICIPANTS: Kim Wells, Alice Ito, Mara Esposito, Patricia Paul, Mari Tester, Barbara Curtis, Tina Brown, Leslie, Karla

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Diana began by giving the story of her experience with intentionality which came from a desire to find a way to connect with work, learning to care for herself, and exploring the spirtual/metaphysical possibilities.

Make your actions support your intentions - Action must be in alignment with purpose

Things Diana did:

Other members gave their experiences with intentionality:

Discussion of control in relationships

Synthesis

Intentionality comes from:

 

 

TOPIC #34:         Recognizing and Dealing With Shoulds

CONVENOR: Diana Larsen

PARTICIPANTS: Arvella Weir, Patricia Paul, Kim Wells

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We started out as a group discussing what shoulds we thought existed for us as women. The "shoulds" we thought came to us from the media, from things we learned as children, from institutions…….

We decided that for each should we came up with, we "should" develop an action plan for how to best deal with either challenging the should if we did not agree with it, or counteracting its potentially negative impact on us as women.

The should of having a clean house was the first one we brought up. Do we as women feel like we always have to maintain a clean home? Do we send ourselves this message or are we expected to be the maintainers of the home?

Action Plan:

Challenge ourselves to let go of cleaning the home. Let dust be your friend. If you want a clean home and really feel like you do not have time, can you take good care of yourself by figuring out how someone else can get the work done—delegate, hire a housecleaner once in awhile. (We discussed the fact that we have to get over feeling guilty about hiring someone else to clean the house.)

The should of having a certain type of body image came up. We briefly discussed the ramifications of this "should." Someone in the group talked about her sister’s concern as a nutritionist about the rising number of young women who are being diagnosed with eating disorders. Seemingly related to this should is the youth culture that seems to exist in the United States. Many people in the group talked about the fact that women in other countries seem to not fight the aging thing so much.

Action Plan:

Challenge the should. Feel sexy so you’ll be sexy (how ever you define sexy or healthy). Define what a healthy body means to you. Challenge the media images you see. Counteract the media with the magazine Mode. Mode Magazine concentrates on how to feel good about yourself and the fact that beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. Remind yourself of why you care about your friends and family—it’s the way they care, the support they offer, the sharing of adventures—it’s not about what they look like. They are probably using the same criteria for you.

The last should we talked about was the should around needing to be care takers in relationships. Do we as women feel more bound to have to keep in touch—even with folks we do not necessarily need or want in our lives anymore? Our discussion went on to focus on the need to retain good female friendships on an ongoing basis and that sometimes this was hard to do. It is easy to get caught up in career and family and job (whether the job is the job at home or the job at the office) and to lose touch with friends.

Action Plan:

Make the time to have lunch with friends—don’t get caught eating at your desk.

Remind yourself that friends you’ve lost touch with are still friends—call them up!

Meet with groups of friends—join book clubs, discussion groups, dinner clubs

Tell people you want to come and visit—put out your desire to be friends in the universe—be intentional about your desire for friends

Set up routines with friends—play series, trips every year

Have friends of different ages—one person mentioned in the group that her two closest friends were 34 and 78

Have both male and female friends

 

TOPIC #35:         Midwifing the feminine

CONVENOR: Stephanie Ryan

PARTICIPANTS:      Norma, Jane, Karla, Fidelma, Stephanie

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Midwifing as a metaphor for birthing our idea, hopes, visions into reality.

Midwifing is by definition a collective process- you can’t midwife yourself fully, need the help of others, ok to ask for help, learning how to ask for help

Question:

How do we ask for help?

….know that we may face rejection, be prepared, be selective whom you ask for help and be specific about what you are asking for, share its tenderness if that is true.

How do we know whom to ask for help?

The prospect of starting a project and be careful its not diminished in the early stages, , seeing supplements, vitamins within and outside , you need to feed and nourish the idea.

Hold a circle of possibility, resourcing, "what if I did? " hear peoples responses, desires, contributions.

DILEMMA:

Making the transition of owning business, being able to ask for help even if we are in helping profession, the challenge of thinking I should know how to do this for myself, when even if we do know the support of others is essential, somethings take more than one person to bring into the world.

 

 

TOPIC #36:         The Power of the Intuitive or Putting the Rational in its Place

 

CONVENOR: Peg Holman

PARTICIPANTS: Mari Tester, Kathy Cox, Claudia Plaza, Candy Foon, Tova Ramer, Judy Prince, Mary Matts, Estell A. Jones, Jeretta Scott, Toni Aspin, Gei Chan, Ethel Kessler

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

The session opened with a challenge to the belief that rational practice is more valid than intuitive practice. And a fear that our organizations and ourselves are dying from discounting our intuitive side.

Everyone in the circle shared why they came to this session. These are some of the answers: To recover creativity, spirituality, balance, peace and to learn from each other. The sense of loss or alienation from being discounted for acting from the intuitive or from discounting our own intuition was palpable in what people said.

When setting goals with groups through her work, one person noted that often goals set from an intuitive sense are more likely achieved than those set from rational means.

One person was concerned about discounting the rational. We discussed the belief that the intuitive doesn't replace the rational any more than the rational replaces the intuitive. Putting the rational in its place doesn't mean eliminate it; it means using it when appropriate AND using the intuitive when appropriate -- without needing to explain it rationally. The latter is the skill that many of us must strengthen.

Estell shared a model from some research she had about different ways people think. Rationalizing and categorizing the intuitive once again. This led to some impassioned discussion that rationalizing and explaining intuition is a subtle way of discounting it. While rational models have great value in some circumstances, when they are used to justify the intuitive, they are being misused.

There are times when it more appropriate just to work from the intuitive. Don’t talk about it! Don't apologize for it. Don't try to explain or justify it. Just listen to our hearts and souls and act with confidence because we know that trusting intuition works.

Live it! Rediscover your trust, spirit and inner voice.

 

 

TOPIC #37:         How Pregnancy, Menopause & Uniquely Female Physical events affect our working lives and leadership styles.

CONVENOR: Marilyn Kennelly

PARTICIPANTS: Kia Hatch, Dorothy Kennelly, Cindy Lavoie, Suzanne Anderson, Christine Roess, Norie Sato, Leyla Welkin

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Marilyn started by saying menopause is difficult because for up to 2 years you are a very different person – very emotional – and that can’t help but impact your working life (Barbara Bush once said she didn’t know how George lived with her because she did nothing buy cry for 2 years).

What can we learn from our bodies that can help us and that we can apply to our daily lives?

Infertility is also an issue that requires change in our lives. Both Cindy and Suzanne talked about how years of intensive fertility treatments have deepened their relationship with their feminine side and have forced them to relinquish control and come to terms with feelings of inadequacy.

Christine said her experience has been to ignore the reality of the body. Birth for her was a terrible experience. Menopause has been less a physical experience and more a psychological experience – a realization of mortality. She resists the "animal" nature of the body.

Leyla shared with the group a ritual she has developed. She had her children while living in rural Oregon, in a lumbering area where she felt very connected to the land. They then moved to Olympia, to a more urban lifestyle, and she found she really missed the sense of community with the land. And so she went into the woods during her monthly cycle and squatted and bled directly into the earth. She felt like she was giving her offering to the land. She felt a channeling of her body, that she was giving of the feminine back to the earth. Later the trees in that area were clearcut and she didn’t bleed for 3 months.

Cindy and Suzanne discussed the impact of infertility in their lives. It has become the primary focus in their lives and for both has greatly deepened their identity with the feminine. The group also discussed how having children very much changes your life and leadership style – it refocuses your sense of priorities and makes you realize that you can’t do it all.

Norie told of being 7 months pregnant and getting hired to do a big project. It was good because it kept the brain part of her active while she was caring for an infant. She was happy to see that everyone was cool with her bringing the baby along to meetings.

Dorothy talked about measuring Estrogen levels after menopause. Christine said that 2/3 of women have sympton-free menopause.

Marilyn asked to shift the discussion to how these personal events affect our Leadership styles?

Leyla said being feminine in leadership means sharing her personal stories and the learning that comes from them with others. Make them part of life’s normal currency.

Dorothy shared that her whole life was about caring for the children, washing/ironing the clothes, modeling leadership through scouts, etc.

Christine lamented the disconnect between women and "mother earth" – she wants and needs guidance that gets her into her body, as that will relate her more to the Earth. Suzanne agreed we’ve lost our connection with the earth. That connection brings us humility, which is much lacking in today’s leadership.

Christine says there is too much gap between the stories we tell of our lives and how we actually live them. Leyla said her humility is very private and she needs it to be a channel to something beyond herself. There is a new myth, a new story that needs to be told. She finds it awe-inspiring and feels a need to share it. Norie says that motherhood has helped her to be more connected to humanity – what can she do to leave her art behind for the people who will come after us?

Cindy talked about how her struggle with infertility has led her to leave work and change priorities to the point where she will probably never go back to the old work life and schedule. Suzanne agreed and said that once you "deconstruct" yourself through the process of infertility, you find that you then need to reconstuct yourself and you end up asking "who am I, really, at my core?"

Christine said she used to think she was going to change the world, during her hippie days in the 60’s and 70’s. Noria agreed and said everyone thought they were part of something larger than life that would change the world, and there’s a sense of disappointment that they didn’t. Others commented that actually, we have made a lot of progress since the 60’s – women’s rights, environmental cleanup, and other areas – and we should spend more time as leaders celebrating our progress.

 

 

TOPIC #38:         Celebrating our Stories

CONVENOR: Carol Yameda

PARTICIPANTS: Ellen Neel, Karen Furia, June Soboson, Paula Berry, Michelize Ward, Kathryn Alexander, Jundy Leland, Baqrbara Curtis, Cindi Hasselblad, Leslie Collins, Liz Campbell

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Why hear

Wanted to be with the convernor for the last section. Want to rejuvenate, learn by listening, celebration, stories, in process of wanting to find a new job,

Share something that changed work life….or

Started a clerk moved up and found a mentor, If this company does not use you will leave and that will be a loss to the company. Mentor guided.. Then worked for a supervisor who did not let person work outside of specific rules. Got pregnant and decided that if go back to work…want something with passion….Great advise from husband…take one day at time. Was able to move up and around. Key elements relationships as guides.

A young women had computer and management but got a job in a large manufacture firm. A manager saw her and coached her, saved her said we are not using you to your full potential. You need to go to a new group and I will help you. 7 years later that manager is still a great coach and mentor and suggested she take management classes. Even though the road wasn’t easy and there are challenges (being young, being a women or color) she now has three management offers and has to make a decision………..someone saw her and guided her and she had a positive attitude the whole time. When people I work with come with a problem I say what will make you happy.

When many of us looked back on our lives. We saw that each activity and work experiences lead us to where we are.

There was some discussion of transition, change, and transformation

some felt transformation was something that took place over time and lead to change. Some thought change was moment to moment

Another women shared story about transition. She left her job under difficult circumstances. For a year she was unemployed. Each day she woke up and said I am part the universe and the universe will take care of me. I am connected to something. I had to put my words into practice. I Had to do it> She worked over the year. She spent some time just sitting and thinking, sometimes whole days reading…..75% of the time just caring for myself. And on news years eve day I got a call and I got a job I wanted. Yes it was scaring. But now I know I can find work

Questions can you go through transformation without hardship

            some said only happened after hard critical times..yes it was after a crisis. Other said it can be done without a crisis. Now I know when to leave. If a bad situation I will leave cause I know I don’t have to stay in the situation and I can find another job. Now I know not to look at the situation and you and me but us.

Some though affirmations were helpful. Listen to them on a daily basis. Write them down

On women wondered as she is getting older she felt she needed to do more intentional planning rather that trusting. Also as she gets older she is needs to think more about what do when I do not work for pay.

One women shared a very personnel story and shared her true life experiences of transformation which resulted in dramatic changes in one year, A story we will all remember a story we all felt. After the change in her life she started her career over went to school in a few years and took a few jobs jobs from hell and learned how not to run a company, the need for relationships. After leaving that job she experienced great success in another job. Decided to quit for a year decided not to rejoin the workforce. After many up and downs, professional and human successes and failures and many transformations after this conference she feels she has the strength to start again. The lessons learned again is the importance of support from friends, from women, and from oneself She felt she has a new spirit for going forward and hoping she can keep alive and emerge in a new transformation.

She wants to pull together whatever is needed to keep the energy alive and move to the next phase.

She and the group hope this is a catalyst for something new

Another group member shared the need to work those inner pains and conflicts out through tears, affirmations, friends or whatever. They faster we can work them our insides the quicker we can move forward. Once that space is open people events often come our way.

We need to create meaning and purpose

In thinking about difficult time it might be more important to get it out of us rather than figure who said what and over analyze the events

We need personnel power. We need choice and meaning

We need to leg go and get support

WE all stood up and gave a cheer and were very pleased that we had selected each other to share the last event. And very thankful for the intimate gift of sharing we all experienced together. We wish each other well

TOPIC #39:         Authentic Leadership; Owning Your Power

CONVENOR: Cynthia Clay

PARTICIPANTS: Many of our guests from Latin America, and numerous other women whose names were not captured.

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

The discussion started out with the introduction of a book about power, and its concept: The 4-fold Way, by Adrien Angelis.

Power of leadership comes from having a clear vision that hasn’t been implemented yet. It is a commitment! Not a compliance!

One example shared with the group was about an entrepaneur who’d had a strong vision, shared his vision with other people who would inevitable be a part of bringing this vision to fruition, then ran into conflict when the people got energized by his vision and started identifying their own vision based on his. This identified the topic of ownership. When you recognize a vision, you need to keep others needs in mind and allow their voice into the vision. You need to ask why, and involve people. Otherwise, walls are built, your vision may become singular and have less of a chance of reaching fruition. The more attached one person comes to their vision, the more adversarial the role… it creates a stronger polarization.

Power requires compassion, and is a natural cycle.

Leadership should not be caught up with politics, or what ‘should’ be done… being authentic means being true to yourself.

Authenticity is what is real! Like in the Velveteen Rabbit!

The definition of manipulation is to manage with skill. The negative connotation of the word has done some injustice to it…

We need to accept the fact that we have power within us!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,

fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other persons won’t

feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically

liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

A Return To Love

Included in Nelson Mandela’s 1994 inaugural speech

 

 

TOPIC #40:         Exploring the Relationships Among Creativity, Being Highly Capable/Gifted, and Depression

 

CONVENOR: Emma Bezy

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Many women are more capable (or gifted) than they recognize. Often their gifts and capacities are misunderstood and under-valued. These individuals could make even greater contributions as leaders if their gifts were more fully accepted by themselves and others. Often, giftedness is misinterpreted as neurosis, psychosis, depression, or labeled as dysfunctional. Women who are depressed or frustrated because their gifts are neither acknowledged nor utilized often turn to or are placed on antidepressant medications, receiving no help or coaching for discovering and claiming themselves, or for understanding that there are "legitimate" grounds for their depression in not having their capabilities recognized and valued.

Sometimes these medications are very helpful, breaking a downward cycle, creating a new perspective and a new start. But many times the women taking them have not been fully or appropriately assessed and screened, and they are labeled "mentally ill" when they are not. Sometimes labels such as ADD and ADHD (attention deficit disorders) are used, with no recognition of multiple and diverse intelligences. What they need is an opportunity to embrace their gifts, apply them, stretch themselves, and have others appreciate and accept their capabilities. If such women are also attempting to "fit into" a male workplace and not "be intimidating," they will work extra hard to tone down or hide their capabilities. In such cases, everyone suffers.

Sometimes such women have difficulty "becoming leaders" because their multiple capabilities makes it difficult or impossible for them to focus, settle, choose "one thing" and stay with it long enough to be recognized as a "leader." They may have trouble feeling accomplished or satisfied because they "just keep moving from thing to thing." Some are embarrassed to admit to their capabilities, perceiving and fearing a stigma attached to "being gifted." They avoid owning their talents to insure they will not be accused of being arrogant.

Our discussion explored the importance of nurturing our vitality, and finding ways to enliven ourselves

through activities such as art or exercise. Finding ways of living outside the "supposed-to’s" is important. One member noted the helpfulness of James Hillman’s question, "What is it that is being depressed?" Sam Keen’s model of the "Rebel" (from Stages of Loving) captures the crucial choice the gifted/different person makes when choosing to step out of the mainstream, making important evolutionary contributions to their community from "outside the box." Sometimes depression is the state which immediately precedes this kind of breaking free, the act of liberation of the true self, the choice to differentiate and become oneself. Sometimes grief and sadness are experienced when acknowledging all that was lost in the years of holding back, editing oneself, diminishing one’s talents.

One member stated that what helps her to lead and to stand fully in her capabilities is to pay attention to her connectedness; to pray to be connected with the people and experiences which will benefit mutually from the connection.

 

TOPIC #41:         Open Space for Transformation

CONVENOR: Birgitt Bolton

PARTICIPANTS: Marie Salen, Mary Halscher, Sylvia Reyna, Kerri
Stoehr, Emma Bezy

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Participants noted the following reasons for attending this session:


-trying to let go of control of outcomes and wondering if OS could assist
-working on being a "master gardener"
-trying to understand both the strengths and limitations of OS
-what is difference between OS organization and self-organizing organization
-if use one principle on its own, could cause harm ie: irresponsibility of "whatever happens is the only thing that could have". Principles only work if kept together and bounded by passion/responsibility
-is OS a possible vehicle if used in the education system
-in corporate world, looking to see if open systems is the way to go
-looking for convergence possibilities with OS
-has used OS for a few years with mixed results
-wondering if there is more to OS than we are experiencing here at the conference

Members of the group contributed the following points:
-OS is a very effective approach to group building/community building
-OS produces effective results in large corporations right down to small organizations. Sometimes we run into problems when the results are good because traditional large organizations will work to shut the effects of OS down
-opening space is holding your arms around the process of change--while adaptive process takes place (technical change does not require the same safe container as adaptive change)--systemic change may take a few years
-good group size for OS event is three or more persons up to even more than 1000 depending on logistics
-good news is that OS works. The bad news is that OS works.

Birgitt then answered a number of questions. She noted that in a pre-OS event meeting it was important to get clarity on the theme for accuracy (does the client really want want they initially say they want) as well as the "givens" or parameters or non-negotiables for the event. There needed to be strategies for wide participation and ensuring that invitations were inclusive. Note that attendance must be by invitation and not mandatory.


Space gets opened similar to that which we experienced. The critical pieces aside from theme and givens are the 4 principles, one law, and bounded by passion/responsibility. You can't open space by glossing over these. An event can be one day, two or more days, or even a short event of three hours. OS works. If transformation is being worked on, OS is the best vehicle but only if no one has pre-determined the outcomes. If outcomes are predetermined, never use OS. To achieve convergence requires a half day beyond the OS day(s) in which process is used to go through the reports, identify which items members have energy to move forward with, and then to go with the ones that have the most "votes".People then convene around these topics to work out next steps and items move from good ideas to action.

For further info. check out the websites at


geocities.com/Athens/Oracle/9215 and the site at tmn.com/openspace and of course you can always send queries to Peggy Holman representing the Open Space Institute of the US at osi@tmn.com

Birgitt Bolton
Dalar Associates/Change Team Canada
55 Ravina Cres., Ancaster, Ontario, Canada L9G 2E8
phone: 905-648-5775 fax: 905-648-2262

 

SONGS FROM WOMEN'S OPEN SPACE

CONVENOR: Lorraine Bayes

PARTICIPANTS: Entire Circle

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Power of a Woman (words by Adelle Getty)

I want to sing about the power of a woman

             I want to sing about the beauty of her spirit

I want to sing about the power of a woman

I want to sing about her love

             A woman who loves herself, though she might be shaken,

A woman who loves herself will never fall

A woman who loves herself, though she might be shaken,

A woman who loves herself will never fall

I want to sing a song for her healing

I want to sing a song for her freedom

I want to sing a song for her wholeness

I want to sing about her love

Repeat first four lines and sing children, people, men, etc

Weave and Mend (Source unknown)

            Weave and mend

            Weave and mend

            Gather up the scattered fragments

            Weave and mend the broken circle

            Weave and mend sacred sisters (children, people, etc)

            Weave and mend

Changing Woman

            There is a woman who weaves the night sky

            See how she spins, see her fingers fly

            She is the weaver, we are the web

            We are the needle, and she is the thread

            She stands beside us from beginning to end

            Our grandmother, sister and friend

            She changes everything she touches, and

            everything she touches changes.

            She changes everything she touches, and

            everything she touches changes.

Woman I Am

            Woman I am

            Spirit I am

            I am the infinite within my soul

            There is no beginning and there is no end

            Oh, this I know.

 

THE SEVEN OF PENTACLES

Under a sky the color of pea soup

She is looking at her work growing away there

Actively, thickly like grapevines or pole beans

As things grow in the real world, slowly enough.

If you tend them properly, if you mulch, if you water,

If you provide birds that eat insects a home and winter food,

If the sun shines and you pick off caterpillars,

If the praying mantis comes and the lady bugs and the bees,

Then the plants flourish, but at their own internal clock.

Connections are made slowly, sometimes they grow underground.

You cannot tell always by looking what is happening.

More than half a tree is spread out in the soil under your feet.

Penetrate quietly as the earthworm that blows no trumpet.

Fight persistently as the creeper that brings down the tree.

Spread like the squash plant that overruns the garden.

Gnaw in the dark and use the sun to make sugar.

Weave real connections, create real nodes, build real houses.

Live a life you can endure: make love that is loving.

Keep tangling and interweaving and taking more in,

A thicket and bramble wilderness to the outside but to us

interconnected with rabbit runs and burrows and lairs.

Live as if you like yourself, and it may happen:

Reach out, keep reaching out, keep bringing in.

This is how we are going to live for a long time: not always,

For every gardener knows that after the digging, after the planting,

After the long season of tending and growth, the harvest comes.

Marge Piercy                                    

From CIRCLES ON THE WATER by Marge Piercy

Copyright © 1982 by Marge Piercy

 

 

MESSENGER

Someone has been painting

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Across the backs of bus benches,

Blotting out the advertisement beneath

With green so the strong silver letters

Appear clearly at corners

In front of taco stands

And hardware stores.

Whoever did this

Must have done it in the dark,

Clanging paint cans block to block

Or a couple of sprays –

They must have really wanted to do it.

Among the many distasteful graffitis on earth

This line seems somehow honorable.

It wants to help us.

It could belong to anyone,

Latinas, Arabs, Jews,

Priests, glue-sniffers.

Mostly I wonder about

what happened or didn’t happen

in the painter’s life

to give them this line.

I don’t wonder about the person

Who painted HIV under the STOPs

on the stop signs in the same way.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Did some miracle startle

The painter into action

Or is she waiting and hoping?

Does she ride the bus with her face

Pressed to the window looking

For her own message?

Did she write it for a sick relative?

Daily I dream of answering,

 

As I collect loose wrappers from gutters,

As the long wind brushes YES

Through the trees.

Naome Shihab Nye             

© 1997 Naomi Shihab Nye

 

A RETURN TO LOVE

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,

fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other persons won’t

feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically

liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Included in Nelson Mandela’s 1994 inaugural speech

 

 

 For more information, contact Peggy Holman
peggy@opencirclecompany.com
www.opencirclecompany.com